I feel it is too late for me
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
Hi, I am in my 40's and I have gone through life as a bit of a loner. I was good at math/science in school but I wasn't too interested in much anything else, especially dances, parties, and dating. Middle school and high school were boring, as I spent most of my time alone, watching TV or reading. In middle school I had a couple friends but in high school I didn't get along too well with much anyone, I was way too shy.
So I went to college and decided it was time I became more sociable. There were some problems, because I also realized I had no experience, I virtually never talked to anyone besides my parents, especially no experience talking to girls. I also never went to dances/parties so I didn't have dancing experience (had to dance once at a wedding... man I am horrible, like Elaine Benis from Seinfeld). I don't have any real hobbies. Sports, cars, music, and all the other stuff men should love has never appealed to me and I can't imagine myself figuring it out enough to have a conversation about it.
So I basically didn't have anything to talk with people about, don't have much interest in music, I decide whether I like a song or not when I hear it, I wouldn't be able to describe my musical tastes. I completely don't understand sports. I don't like alcohol (bad taste, though I hear with time that changes). I basically only know about math and TV shows and I am a cashier so i don't have anything cool going on there. Thats the only place I can talk to people, but all I ever say is "hi" and "have a nice day." I'm not really friends with the other cashiers.
So I have been putting this off for so freaking long but I really should have friends (both guys and girls) because everything has been so boring for so long all by myself.
So my question is: how the hell do I get a girl to like me? I'm not all that good looking (not ugly) and I don't have very much money. I don't have any hobbies and I just really have no idea what I would say. Where would I look for a woman around my age? What on earth would I talk about? I read tips to overcome shyness and topics to talk about but I have spent most of my life killing time so I have no past to talk about, and I am worried that no one would like me if they found that I am old, not too wealthy, not too attractive, not very interesting, and been near friendless all my life.
Ugh I feel like I am doing all the things a middle schooler should do, except that all the middle schoolers are doing it together and I am kind of alone due to my age.
First thing you need to do is to learn to like yourself.
See a professional counselor who will help you with this process.
My advice is to start doing things to get you out of the house and mixing with people. Do things that are within your reach now and then branch out. There are tons of women in your age range who are desperately seeking a man to spend time with. And many of them lack social skills.
Try developing some hobbies. Here are some that I think you would be attracted to: bridge (the card game), genealogy (family history), learn a language, learn to dance. Most of these you can find at your local municipal recreation department. Call your city hall. Maybe you could find a volleyball activity which are usually co-ed and a lot of fun.
Bridge would help you meet people and use your mathematical skills. Genealogy appeals to orderly minds and you could make contact with close relatives and then on to more distant kin. Dancing is fun and you could meet new friends easily... you don't have to know anything about it, take a beginners course.
Join an online group to meet women in your age group. There are lots of these groups try one of the biggest: http://www.match.com
Remember the counselor recommended above is the one who can help you with learning to deal with yourself...keeping the essence but changing what needs attention.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com