jealous of the past

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hi, I have a real problem with jealousy. I am not jealous of anything in the present but I am jealous of my wife's past. She had more sexual partners than me and I feel inadequate because of this. I can't get the images out of my mind of her in bed with her exs and it makes me feel I missed out on something when I was younger. How can I accept her past and stop feeling jealous? Advice
Try to remember it's not a game of numbers.

Your current relationship is a very serious matter and not to be trivialized by jealousy of the past. Keep in mind, as I imagine you do, that women generally have an easier time getting sex partners than guys do. Don't feel inadequate because of it. It's just life and that's all there is to it.

You can't go back and undo everything that happened. Suppose you started obsessing over how many boys she kissed? That would be foolish and, while understandable, it is equally foolish to agonize over the number of sexual partners each other had. You also put yourself into a dangerous situation of having affairs to "catch up." That usually leads to disaster.

Think of how joyful you would be if you could get over this jealousy. Why not start by eliminating all her exes before a certain date (like 10 years ago). That should be easy enough to do. And once you do that, you could then go for five years ago. Do whatever works for you.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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