Hooking up with an X
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I dated my Ex for 2 years before we broke up about 2 months ago. We mainly broke up because I couldn't handle certain situations and I had a lot to work on, so it eventually led up to pushing him away to the point where he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and broke up with me. We were perfectly fine before we started dating. Not only just a couple, but best friends. He was a really good friend of mine before we even started dating and he'd been wanting to be with me for a long time, even when I had a boyfriend. This break up made me realize the things I did need to work on, and I feel like if we ever gave it another shot, there would be no more bullshit. Thats how much I am willing to fix this. We havent seen eachother since the break up about 2 months ago, but just the other day he asks me if I have been with anyone since we broke up. I was honest enough to tell him the truth, and then he asked me who the guys were and when. I told him and he acted upset and said that he "couldnt believe me". He said he hasnt been looking for girls in that way because he just doesnt want to get involved with anyone on that level. Then he goes to tell me that sometime last week he was going to text me and ask if I wanted to "hook up". And the past couple nights he's been asking if I would be willing to. I told him i didnt know if I was ready to play those "games" and but in a way, I miss him and feel like I could do it just to be with him and get a chance to actually see him. And maybe it would eventually bring back feelings. He says if we were to ever "hook up" every once in a while, that he didnt want there to be any strings attached and he didnt want things to get emotional because he says he wants to stay single for a while and just live life a bit before settling down again. Which is a huge part of why we broke up cuz he felt like he was too tied down and that I was becoming too clingy and got too jealous. He has a lot of hobbies so I can see where he wouldnt want to be in a relationship for a while. Anyway, so i said if we were to hook up ever, that that's how I wouldnt want it to, with no strings attached, but I feel like I just said that to make it look like I didnt want him back either. then he replied "oh its just too good to be true, if you feel the same way" and he kept questioning if I was still going to have feelings if we did hook up. and when i would say i wouldnt, he seemed concerned of why i wouldnt. Its so tempting to think about doin this, just cuz I havent seen him in 2 months and I miss him so much. I would do anything to have him back and make him realize we can try again. I just dont want to lose him forever, and just hope someday down the road we can be together again. we exchanged a few recent pics of eachother thru text and he said he "liked what he saw" and that i still look "really good". so he wants to have hook ups occasionally, but says he doesnt want to look elsewhere cuz thats not where he wants to be right now. i dont know what he's meaning by all this. we texted for like 4 hours back and forth the other night and he said he's glad we can still be on "good terms" after a 2 year break up. why are guys so confusing?! haha
Friends with benefits is great for certain guys.
They want sex but without the emotions that usually go along.
It doesn't seem that you have a problem with the idea and actually hope that the feelings will grow again.
So, why not?
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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He's a jerk