I want to trust my boyfriend again
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year we just recently moved in together and have two small boys. I recently found out he has been talking to a former female co-worker who lives in another state. There conversations have been thru text messaging for the last 3 months. I found out about this after noticing our cell phone bill to be rather high. For some reason the bill is mailed to his moms house. She just so happened to hand the bill to me knowing we share our bills. As I was reviewing the bill I noticed multiple text messages to the same phone number starting at 8:00 am thru 7:00pm at night all in the same day approximatley 60 messages total. Also the messaging only takes place during his buisness hours. I called the number and it was a girl who answered. I then questioned him on who she was and he claimed she is someone he used to work with who he says is a "friend" that he ocassionally talks to. According to him they have common interests due to similar divorces, and she is just seeking his help. He claims he didn't tell me about her in fear I may get upset and not believe it's platonic. As much as I wanted to believe him I still needed to look into his phone history from when we first started dating to see if he was talking with her than too. I came to find out he had the same text messaging habits with her but at all hours of the night one day till 4:00 am in the morning a total of 113 messages again in one day. I of course addressed this and his response was still the same they are just "friends" I asked him if she knew about us and his answer was he told her he was dating someone that discussing his current relationship was not important to discuss with her. In conclusion he says "he is sorry for not telling me and I am the women he wants to spend the rest of his life with believe me the situation just looks bad". I want to trust him but I have been down this road before with my ex-husband being a lyer and cheater. He is a good man in a lot of ways but as you know trust is the core in a relationship. I do not know how to begin trusting him again?? Your articles state that we have to go thru this together but it is so hard mostly on me. Please help we have two boys we both adore and would hate for our relationship to fail. But I just have the hardest time believing there is nothing going on.
My advice is to seek a licensed professional counselor to help you two through this. It is too important to use the advice of an internet counselor.
You are right that trust is a core element of a relationship and you need to get that trust back. The happy lives of two boys depend on it, not to mention your own and your BF's.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com