fight for him or closure?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
i was a freshman in high school when i met this boy and we instantly clicked. i had a boyfriend at the time (my first serious boyfriend) so he understood my situation and that i had no intentions of dating him. as time went by we became really close and were talking on the phone everyday. in the end i broke up with my current boyfriend because of communication issues and rumors of him cheating but the other boy did play a part in this too. i thought i was sooo in love with him at first but i found myself making excuses like "if i love him so much why am i having thoughts about leaving him so quickly" and "im still young im going to have lots of other boyfriends after all hes just my first...things like this happen everyday" in order to be with the other boy. well i got that boy.

now here is where the real issues start. the first time we only went out for a week and he broke up with me because we didnt talk as much. i understood that because it was true and mainly on my part so i wasnt trippin. the second time we went out for four months and he broke up with me because i told one of my guy friends that he looked cute in one of his pictures. my boyfriend seriously overreacted over somehting so dumb and broke up with me by a message and never even took the time to talk to me about it. he got a new girlfriend a week later. he came back like after about 3-4 months. the third time we never made it official that we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we were still "linked" in a way because we acted like it but we were just trying to take it a little slower than we usually did. so i was devastated to find out that he had gotten a girlfriend while we were talking. he didnt even tell me i found out on my own and when he was sure that i knew he just stopped talking to me for awhile. i decided to let that go because it wasnt like we were an official couple. we ended up being friends again. then i decided a way to let go of my feelings for him was to start dating again. i got a new boyfriend. we were dating for about two months before my ex broke up with his girlfriend and confessing his feelings he still had for me AGAIN. despite the strong feelings i still have for him i told him that i would not leave my current boyfriend for him. i didnt think it was smart to break up with a person who adores me for one who is constantly breaking my heart. three more months went by and he now is going out with one his exes(the girl he went out with before me).

all of this has gone by in a span of two years and i am about to be a junior in high school. i am still with my current boyfriend but i often find myself thinking about my ex. i love and care for him so much that i cant even be happy with the person i am with now. my closet friends and family have often told me that they can tell that im not truely into my new boyfriend. i need to find a way to either move on with my life, find closure with my ex, and be happy with my boyfriend or break up with my boyfriend and see if i can get my old one back and trust that i am not just putting myself into the same situation to be hurt again. and if i need to get closure what do i say to him in order to obtain it...where do i start? Advice
You can't get closure until the time is right.

You and your ex seem to be drawn to each other and no amount of talking will put an end to that.

Break up with your BF because it isn't fair to him to keep him dangling when your interest has waned (weakened). Once you are free from him, do not get another boyfriend until your mind is calm and you can think without so many emotions interfering.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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