I'm sleeping with my best friend - but he has a girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Okay, I met this guy about 7 months ago..after about 3 months we were really really close friends. I have never become so close with anyone that fast. Hes my best friend, and we get along great...we've never had one fight. Hes always there when i need him and im always there for him, and whenever im with him, its like, all my problems go away. Everytime Im with him, my feelings start to grow. I care very deeply for him.
But, he has a girlfriend, of about..2 in a half years. Hes never cheated on her before..but for the past 2 months, we have been majorly flirting around.. and when no ones around.. he acts as if im his girlfriend.. he kisses on me and all that. We've slept together 3 times already.. i know i shouldn't have done it, but its so hard to resist him. So, Im sitting here falling in love with my best friend.. i haven't told him, but im sure he knows it, because he is smart like that. And i've realized now that he wont be breaking up with his girlfriend any time soon, if at all.. but he still continues to act as if im his girlfriend when we are alone.
The friendship hasn't changed any since we've slept together.. if it has, then we've become closer. But I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin the friendship, because it means so much to me. I've went to friends for advice, and one thinks hes using me, and the other thinks he likes me..but im leaning more towards him using me because he is still with his girlfriend.
But if he is, then somewhere somethings gone wrong, because he knows about my past, and my last boyfriend, and he hated that. He even wrong a song about it saying how i didn't deserve it and stuff. It was really sweet, so that wouldn't make sense. I don't know what to think anymore. What should i do about the situation?.. and do you think he is using me?
It's very easy for a guy to say "What that guy did is very wrong!!" but then, when they're in the situation, to find justifications for it. I doubt he even realizes that he's doing the same thing to you. He probably figures, "But hey! I like her! I'm just helping her have some fun!" But in essence he is being extremely selfish here. He has built his whole little harem up, has turned you into the "other woman", has cheated on his girlfriend so that she will be laughed at by people for having a boyfriend that sleeps around.
He gets to sleep with two different girls and always have someone to have fun with, so from his point of view things are great. But he's disrespecting both of you.
I would really sit down with him and point out to him that it has struck you how this situation is similar to your last one. Maybe if he realizes that it'll make him think twice about what he is doing. Tell him that you treasure your friendship and want it to grow stronger - but that *because* you care so much, you're not happy being the Back Door Girl. You want to be able to tell people proudly that you are With Him. You don't want to have to lie and hide about that. And you don't want your friendship to be based on betraying another person.
Hopefully he will realize just how special you are and that he needs to break up with his girlfriend. But you really can't just keep going on as the girl he cheats with when it's convenient. It will truly destroy your relationship and friendship if that keeps up.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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don't take him away