Broke up just because of the first quarrel we had.

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I broke up with him for nearly a month already. The quarrel was over someone who used to like me and still liking me now. Because he didn't showed that he cared about this issue and I was quite disappointed. Maybe he cared but he didnt show. So I kept prompting him if he feels anything about it, and he said he's not jealous because he trusted me. I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that he have the trust in me, sad that he's not jealous and that makes me feel insignificant in his life. So my promptings to him killed our relationship.It was a very silly breakup I feel, because it's over the 1st quarrel we ever had in this relationship, and didn't tried to work things out, he's uncomfortable with all these and after the quarrel he feels that he can't communicate with me anymore. And the thing I thought to myself was, did he even try out solutions to save this ? Because I had a very strong sense of insecurities in me and I can feel that he isn't as interested anymore. So I prompted him the question if he wants a break up. Hoping that he'll say no, he said yes.He felt that we're more suitable as friends, and didn't want to lose me as a friend. He's a very committed guy in his other areas of commitments. So often he might neglect me without knowing. But I tried to understand, and sometimes I did. At times when I saw him on the streets with a group of girls, I didn't get the jealousy at all I don't know why, I feel that I trusted him. But after the breakup, I just felt jealous everytime I think about it. I always wonder if he ever really loved me wholeheartedly, if not why didn't he try to work things out with me before saying that he feel that there's no other solutions he could take.
I think about him almost every minute. I want him back, but is it too late now ? He didn't give me a whole detailed explanation why he wants a break up, but only being uncomfortable and can't communicate. What's worst was the breakup was done through messaging ! I thought he would have the guts to meet up with me to talk it out face to face.
Right now after the breakup, I feel very bad inside me. Feeling that maybe I was the one who demands too much, and maybe I never really understood how he felt at all. So what I'm doing now is just stay as friends with him like how he wanted it to be. But inside me, I really want him back ! To go back like how it used to be. I had a hard time with my heart when I see couples being intimate. It just reminds me of how we're like in the past, though it was a short 2 months odd relationship nearing to a 3rd month without the first kiss, because we're both each other's first partner, I feel that my love for him was so strong that I have no doubts in him in whatever he do.
Now when I go online I always look out for him, hoping he'll talk to me. But it's always the other way round, I always take the lead to hit the conversation. I hate doing that, I'm a girl after all. In our relationship, I'd say he didn't know how to take much initiative so I was the one who always does it. All these little things that might anger other girls, I didn't mind anymore I just want him to stay beside me. My heart aches everytime I thought of the happy times we used to have, these hurt me more than the breakup messages.
When we talk online now, I get this feeling he treats me as a friend already, no longer someone who means something to him, just a friend for him to say hi and bye and to tease at. This is just how I feel, but how do I know if he really feels this way? I dont want to talk to him about it anymore because it'll make him feel uncomfortable once again. The first few times when we talked online, I cried. Slowly, I just get the heartaches that stayed but never leave. I really want him back, I've never stopped missing him and loving him. Advice
You are in a very good position to get him back because you are friends.

You still talk together and that can be a rebeginning of a romance. Remember this is his first GF and he isn't sure about how he feels. Sometimes it takes time to get in touch with your feelings... often guys are like this.

So take advantage of what you've got and keep close to him. Eventually you can ask him to go out with you "as a friend." You could go for a walk or picnic, a movie or bowling, or even just hanging out.

Gradually your situation may improve.

I hope it does! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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