After 10 years I still can't trust

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am married to a wonderful man for 10 years now and a issue came up about me trusting him. I never really had full trust in anyone, expecially when it came to the male gender because of my past family problems and past relationships gone bad.

My trust/jealousy is caused by my inadequacies in myself and fears of the "unknown and what if's". My husband has never gave me a reason to not trust him but yet i still have that fear of him leaving me for someone better or just the thoughts of being alone.

I have recently done your overcoming jealousy program and my husband and I have written down positive things that make him and our relationship trustworthy. My question to you is, how do i explain to my husband that its not him that caused these feeling? How do i explain that my heart knows i can trust but its my mind that has trouble believing that i can.

He thinks that our 10 years of marriage didnt show me that he is trustworthy. And thats the problem, its my feeling about myself and my past that keeps me from trust not my 10 years of marriage. Advice
Ten years is a really, really long time. Your mind is your own mind and you do have control over it, so if after 10 years you still have it being jealous, you really need some help in overcoming this problem. You are choosing to remain worried about things and unless you get a therapist to assist you, it will continue to eat away at the relationship like a cancer.

I would really suggest you and your husband get together with a therapist and work on this actively. Jealousy may seem like a "minor thing" but if you let it keep going, it can really destroy even the most happy of relationships.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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