too jealous to pop the question
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and i have been dating for a year now and things are so good that i am being begged daily to ask her to marry me, from her. I want to do this but i can't get over my sinking feeling in my gut that when i do it will be just like her last relationships. She has been proposed to 2 times now and we are only 21. Each time she said yes and then turned them down a week or two later. It didn't help that we were semi-friends before and i heard about all the intimate very personal details about these and other wild affairs from her mouth. We have been through this topic dozens of times and each time she explains to me it was a mistake and just a wild time in her past. I have tried to talk through my jealousy issues with her for months and even am reading books and articles online about jealousy and how to control it. Things seem to be getting worse and even though she knows how i feel about hearing the stories of her past and doesn't talk about it, when i hear a story about a town she visited with a ex, or a person with the same name, or even see a movie related to one of her old stories i became flushed and/or unable to speak and/or can hardly see straight. I guess i want to know if my jealousy is getting to be too extreme, and if there is a way short of therapy that i can get through this and do what i have wanted to do for a long time now and marry her without the fear of this being a worsening and constant issue?
Thank you for your kind and caring service.
No, there is no way short of therapy for you to deal with this.
The way you describe your symptons are very, very strong and you can't deal with them alone.
My advice is to not ask her to marry you until you have had the therapy. It will be very productive and give you a way of answering her requests for marriage (which are sort of pushy.)
I wish you the best of luck with this difficult problem! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com