Getting my Boyfriend to Trust Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
How can i get my boyfriend of a month to trust me? He says he doesnt trust anyone. Advice
Unfortunately, trust is one of those things that exists solely in a person's head. If someone has the attitude that 'everyone is bad, I can't trust anyone' then there is no way to convince them otherwise - because they'll assume that whatever you are doing can't be trusted. The person really has to come to grips with this as a person. And some people simply NEVER cross that bridge and need time with a therapist to get their mind sorted out.

You can really drive yourself over the brink by trying to PROVE to him that you are trustworthy. Because you will spend months and months doing everything and anything to show him you are good - and he still won't believe you. In a way it becomes his way of controlling you and building a defensive wall around you. If he just keeps claiming he doesn't trust you, he forces you to always be trying to please him ... and he has the 'safety escape' of saying "Hah! I knew I shouldn't trust her!" should anything go wrong.

I have some advice here on trust -

but if another month or two goes by and he's still keeping that wall up, I would really talk to a counsellor or therapist or minister or someone. He might think it's the ultimate safety escape to keep claiming he can't trust anyone - but it is NOT the way a real boyfriend acts. If he was mature enough to ask you to date him, he is mature enough to do his part in the relationshpi and trust you. That is THE most important thing in a relationship. And if he can't do it on his own, it's time he get some help.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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