I think she's cheating with her ex-husband
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
We've been dating for over 9 months and have recently begun to talk about marriage. It would be her third and my second. It all started about two months ago we were getting ready to go out and she was going to call her first husbands parents becasue they were ill and she wanted to check on them. She left the room to make the call as she always has and I inadvertently overheard her say, "I love you too." When I asked how the ex's parent were she said she didn't get to talk to them but "he" was over there and had answered the phone. I was obviously upset and asked why she tells him that. She blew it off as she only meant if as a friend. Well since then I have caught her in several large lies, and several smaller ones. The worst of which was when I got done playing gold early she was supposedly getting her nails done. I happen to go by the ex-husbands house and there her car was. We had a huge blow up and she said she didn't get her nail done because the line was so long and had only stopped by to say hi. Even though she had left his house almost exaclty when I was supposed to be getting done with golf. I began doing more digging and found out more lies. I followed her once when something just didn't feel right. It turns out she was where she said she was going to be.... She had told me she was going to visit "him" and his parents since they had maintained a friendship for so long. I've tried to be supportive and not jealous but she seems to keep making that more and more difficult. On this particular day I was there when she was leaving. He walked her to her car, gave her a "full body" hug, you know the kind where your standing right up against someone and wrap you arm completely around them, then gave her a kiss. She got in her car and he bent down and kissed her again. The kisses weren't porno kisses mind you, but they were VERY familiar. After that we had a huge argument about her lies and me following her. She said the the kiss was merely a goodbye kiss and I was over reacting. We
agreed to try and work things out. I agreed to stop following her and she agreed to tell me the truth. Well something told me there was more going on so I followed her one more time. Sure enough, he's still kissing her goodbye after walking her to the car.
I've done this with many ex-girlfriends. I've never walked a friend to the car nor said I love you to any of my female friends. The other thing is when they visit, it's ALWAYS at his house for never less than an hour and up to 5 hours has happened.
I don't want to sound paranoid and I hope they are just firends. But when we talk abotu my feelings or my concerns there's always a huge fight. I don't want to lose her because I really do love her. But I can't keep being lied to and heaven forbid if she's sleeping with him. Please tell me what you think I should do. Should I cut bait since she can't seem to be honest or do I keep trying to work it out and risk getting my heart completely destroyed?
Sorry you are in this situation.
Tough as it sounds, my advice is to tell her that you will put up with greeting/parting hugs and kisses. But, anything beyond that you will break up with her.
Since she says it is a friendship, she should happily agree to your suggestion. And, as you said, heaven forbid if she's sleeping with him. You will just have to trust her on that.
This will not be easy, but that's my advice.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com