Finding Another Guy at College
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My guy and I had been dating for a while, but when I decided to go off to college things began to change. We both thought it best that we remain friends because there was a possibility that we would both find other people or be more concerned with out careers. I was so "in love" with my boyfriend that i knew that I wanted to marry him after school, but he was just so "hopelessly attracted" to other beautiful females,that being in a long-term relationship would just be too stressful.(for me and him).
Anyway, I was afraid to go off to school because I thought that he was the "only guy" that connected so brilliantly to me and my needs and that I wouldn't find anyone so wonderful and empathetic as he. Amazingly, I found someone else, and my ex doesn't talk to me or even visit like he used to. He hates to hear me speak of other guys, and I can sense the jealousy in his voice. I don't know if it has anything to do with how he feels personally or if it's because of his zodiac sign (he is a Leo-and you know how they are!)
I am still in love with him, and I find myself comparing him to other guys. I want to move on, and experience other men, but my ex is still deeply embedded into my psychie. Please help me! What should I do?
My first comment has to be that you should NEVER categorize someone because they are a sign. Even astrologers will tell you that a sun sign only tells you the most general of information about a person, and can often be completely wrong because of other factors. So you really need to focus on what he is as an individual, with all of the good and bad parts that come with it.
It is pretty common to think in high school that only one person can be a great match for you - because your available pool of opportunities is incredibly small. When you get out into college and the world you realize that actually there are several people who are great matches, each in their own way. So you need to choose which one you are best suited for and then settle in to make things work.
It sounds like your ex wanted to play the field, but always wanted you there as his safety net and backup. And now that you are out having fun yourself, he's jealous that others are now discovering how special you are. Which should teach him a lesson about why commitment in a relationship is important - it's one thing to have the freedom to see whoever you want, and it's quite another to have someone by your side that you can trust, love and rely on. Most people would say the second is far more important in life.
In any case, he was a love in your life, and that will always be a part of you. It's good to have a 'standard' in your mind to hold up others against. But you need to firmly put him into your past, that he is a fond memory, and look forward to creating a new, happy PRESENT with a guy that can meet your needs.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com