Dealing with a Jealous Boyfriend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was with this guy for 3 years on and off but we've known each other for 15 years. A couple of days ago he got mad that some guy called my house. I didn't talk to the guy of course, but this isn't the first time we've argued over this. I don't think it's a big deal because girls sometimes call him and I don't make a big deal out of it but when some guy calls me out of the blue he has to blow up. I know I really love him but I can't get a hold of him to talk to him. Should I go out on a limb and go to his house to talk to him or just wait and see if he ever calls me? Advice
It sounds like this guy has some problems with jealousy and insecurity. Even though you've known him all this time, he doesn't have that basic trust in you. He sees any other male that even remotely enters your world as a threat - that obviously you're going to run off and leave him because he's not good enough.

I have lots of pages on my site on jealousy for you to read through, but in the end he's the one that is unable to trust. You need to sit down with him sometime that it's quiet and you have time to talk. Explain that you trust him fully and know that he loves you. Say that you are seeing that he's having trouble trusting you, and ask how you can help. Try to be supportive and proactive about it.

He can either admit he's jealous and unsure, and will have ways things can help him improve. In which case you can try. Or he can deny it and say he's fine and that you should never talk to any male ever. In which case he's not fine. It'll be up to you to decide how much work you want to put into things, but again in the end he's the one that has to trust you and believe in you and your love for him. You can't force him to do that.

I would invite him over for a delicious meal, and say that you'll serve his favorite. Either you can cook it or just bring it home from a restaurant. But eat at home. That will give you guys a good meal to enjoy and then quiet time to talk. But he has to be willing to make this work too.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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