She Thinks I Cheated but I Didn't
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I had been in a relationship with my ex for almost two years. We had a wonderful, storybook love for the first year, surviving a long distance relationship while she was at school. We gained infinite love and trust for each other, and truly thought we'd be together forever (of course)! So the next year, after we were living close together our dreams had come true, life was good.
But last April we broke up for about a week, and it turned out to be nothing but confusion. During that week I hung out with a girl i liked a little bit, maybe to ease the pain, but it was someone my ex had met once before. So anyway, during the week apart, this girl really opened my eyes to how much my girlfriend meant to me, i was grateful. So we got back together, and were back in love.
Here comes the bad part. I, in all my innocent ignorance decided to write a nice note to this girl that i thought made a great impact in a short time in my life. so here i was, making notes for a letter, and my girlfriend finds it while i was in the shower. Needless to say, she ran out, and was crushed. She thought i had been cheating on her, and worse thought that i had romantic feelings towards this other girl. (I don't blame her, the letter was a little too nice)
The next day we talked about it, but deep down she didn't believe i had remained faithful to her, and that i didn't have feelings towards this girl. Over the next couple of months, the relationship went quickly downhill, though we still had great times together. Eventually we brokeup because through all her immence patience, the hurt would not leave. We just didn't know what to do but break up.
I gave her a few weeks of space, then began to mail some things i made/wrote for her. But after recieving a few gifts, and talking on the phone for a few hours altogether, she said that the things i made to show her i cared still caused pain.
So my question is, what can i do to show her that she can trust me. How to i rebuilt it in a way that doesn't cause too much pain, or doesn't pressure her to get back together with me. I want to give her space and time, but i also don't want to ever give up on someone i cannot bear to live without. Please help!! any ideas?
Relationships are all about honesty and trust. That is the most important thing to possibly have. Yes, she was confused about your relationship with this other girl. But you were honest and explained it. If she is completely incapable of believing you, and even after several months can't trust you, it really sounds like she might want to go to a couple's therapist with you. That way both of you can work through this together.
It's not just her relationship with you - it'll be her relationship with anybody. If she is so skittish that she runs off at the first sign of trouble, she is going to have this problem with ANY guy she is with. There are always things out there to get you jealous, to make you doubt, to make you question your trust. The whole point of a relationship is that you have faith and loyalty and work things out with each other. For her to be so unbelieving in you that just that ping of doubt made her entire relationship crumble isn't very good.
Hopefully a therapist can help her figure out why she's so unwilling to trust in the first place, and help her learn how to get her life sorted out so she can.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com