Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Okay sorry I tried to look through the tips but the pages wouldn't load and such.
But to the situation: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and nine months. Things started off great as most relationships do... but then we started fighting a lot. I will admit that most of the fights were because of me and my anger that I couldn't control and jealousy etc...
About less than a year later I've controlled my temper and jealousy issues and improved on them a lot... however we still fought. Despite my improvement I still had/have a lot to work on. He's threatened to break up with me or go on a break but I've always talked him out of it. One day we actually went on break but he didn't last a day. I've had many warnings and chances to change but it was not that easy.
During the past weekend we went on a little trip to LA with his brother and a good friend. We he got mad at me for things that weren't really my fault and later apologized about it then moved on. However once we arrived back home he said he's made the decision to break up with me.
That was Monday night and it's currently Thursday. He says he still loves me and always will and yesterday told me that we'd always have a relationship but he can't love me because I'll just hurt him. Today he has told me that it is unlikely for us to get back together and he didn't feel depressed.
I'm thinking that since it's just the first couple of days it hasn't really gotten to him yet. But I really want him back, we've both taken each other for granted and I'm afraid of losing him romantically forever. I told him that yesterday and he responded with "I'll always be there, we'll always have a relationship". I want to be there for him and be a better person, that's why I've changed so much for the better. And I want to keep changing myself for the better and be there for him as well. I know he is for me despite his current doubts. Just looking at him I feel the connection (right now we are talking and he's just acting as if everything was normal).
Despite all my failed attempts to take all the chances he's given me seriously... I want another chance. It is true about you not knowing how much you love and cherish a person until you lose them. I'm so afraid of losing him and I want to prove to him that I'm becoming a better person. If we were to get back together I'd want to be on a "break" so that I could still have time to think and to continue to improve myself.
I'm not sure about which way to get him back. Many people said to ignore him and that he'd come to me and such, but when I told him today that I didn't want to see him or be around him anymore he just asked my good female friend to the movies (he said to go just as friends but still hurtful) since I didn't want to see him anymore. I'm not good at playing "hard to get". I'm a really sensitive, emotional and affectionate person and playing games like that isn't really for me. But if that's the only way then I'll do it.
I was thinking of just being happy and normal around him as we were just friends so he could see how much I've changed and see the possibility of us being happy together. I dunno if I should do that or just ignore him until he comes crawling back...
I agree with you. Don't play games because the other person usually recognizes when they are being played.
Gradually work your way back into his heart by changing your behavior and showing him your love. He will respond to love.
Listen to your own heart and it will rarely lead you wrong. Listening to friends (and, in fact, to me) can lead you astry. But that's my advice.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com