Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
How do I get over feeling used by my ex? I don't want my ex back. He was disrespectful to me. He never called me. If i didnt' call him we never talked. He came to my house for the first month, but then after that i ended up always going to his house and he lived 2 hrs away. Then i would drive down there on a Friday night after work to stay the weekend and he would wait till i got all the way down there and then say oh by the way, i'm going to go fishing with so and so tomorrow or i'm going to go hunting with so and so tomorrow. I'm mad at myself for putting up with that, it was rude, but i overlooked it b/c he made such a big deal about women not accepting him for who he is. So i tried to be flexible and didn't complain when he wanted to go hunting or fishing. I even let him drag me hunting with him once. I'm from the city and am in no way a hunter. But i still dragged my butt out of the bed at 5 am on the coldest day of the year to go hunting with him to accept his ways and try to understand his passions. Eventually i started to get pissed off b/c i was putting all this effort into the relationship and he really wasn't doing anything. We dated for 6 months when Christmas came up and he didn't even get me a present. Well he did, but he gave it to me 4 weeks after christmas and all it was was a girtcard that wasn't even signed. I tried not to make a big deal about that in my mind b/c its kindof a petty thing, but it really hurt my feelings. I went out of my way to get him something special b/c we had been dating that long and he didn't even think of me. But i chalked that up to he's a guy and they aren't senitmental like that. Then he went home to his relatives for 3 weeks, didn't call me but once for 5 mintues on his way out the door the entire time he was gone, came back on New Years Eve and called me at 11:30om just to tell me that he had come back to town and that he was on his way to a party Quote "Sorry we aren't spending New Years together" I couldn.t call him while he was out of town b/c his cellphone didn't pick up out there and i didn't have his parents number b/c god forbid I call and someone find out about me! Finally this was it, I said something about him acting like such a jerk. I NICELY told him that it bothered me that he never called and that it bothered me we had dated that long and didn't even tell anyone about me. He had previously told me that if i had a problem to tell him and he would take care of it. WEllll, I guess that was a lie b/c i NICELY tell him that it bothers me that he never calls me and first he mocks me about it, then he goes out of town for his job for a week and doesn't call me while he's gone. He already knew i was pissed off and then he rings my phone off the hook the second he gets back in town. I ignored his phone calls for a few days and then finally i picked up and blew up at him. I know i probably shouldn't have blown up at him the way that i did, but i was extremely pissed off. So we get into arguing on the phone, i was satisfied with my decision to let him go and BOOM all of the sudden he turns it around on me and its all my fault. I'm boring so thats why he never calls, and i never make suggestions of what to do when i go to his house, not that i ever got to make any suggestions since he keeps planning up guy buddy time when i would go down there like the couldn't have had guy buddy time during the week when i was too far away to come over, and when i cook him dinner i shouldn.t ask him what he wants i should just cook and make him eat whatever i fix and i never make decisions..... oh and i loved his one.....He doesn't understand "why i'm so down on myself" and then in his next breath "well you don't make enough money to raise a family on" well hopefully when i have a family i will have a husband that won't expect me to pay for everything too and i dont' ever do anything and i have no plan for the future and we dont' have anything in common. I shouldnt be upset, I should thank God that this guy is not in my life anymore, but i'm am upset. I put a lot into being with him and he basically sat there and told me he never liked me. He sat there and told me we didnt have anything in common. It doesn't take six months to figure out you don't have something in common with someone so why didn't he say anything! No he just kept me jumping through hoops and i just kept doing it. We had important things in common like food preference and furniture taste, no we didn't have hunting and fishing and frog gigging in common but you can take one look at me and tell thats not me. If thats what he wants to have in common with a woman he should have been able to tell it wouldn't work from the second i opened the door to say hello. I'm just really pissed off and upset and feeling really used. Here i am sitting around feeling beaten down and he lad de das on, and finds a girl to date with the same name as me a month after we break up. WEll i guess he found a better me, that makes me feel real good. Of course here i am sitting here keeping tags on him even though i shouldn't, i guess i just like making things worse on myself. I'm just really hurt. I really really cared for him while we were together, thats why i kept putting up with stuff even if it was rude. Its like i was looking at him through rose colore glasses. I don't know what to do to move on. I keep sitting around fuming about it when i should just let it go, but i can't let it go b/c its still bothering me. I've talked about it to death with my sister and whoever will listen, there sick of hearing it. I'm sick of thinking about it, i want it to be gone and over so i can move on and find someone who will respect me. I know the best way to get over someone is to get out there and date someone else, but I don't want to try to date someone else b/c i don't want to be used again. Any advice? Advice
You can't be used unless you allow it.

It's right that the way out of this is to find someone else. And, you will.

Try thinking of it this way: he was a total jerk and you are lucky to be rid of him. Some other poor person will have to deal with his stuff. In the future you won't let this happen again because you have learned your lesson.

Whenever you think of the situation tell yourself Thank Goodness it's over.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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