Online friendship to real life relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Long story, i'll try and make it as short as possible. I met this girl online in a chat room about 5 years ago, no dating site or anything like that just an AOL music chatroom. We both had similar interests in music so we began talking via Instant messaging, then eventually after getting pretty close and trusting we exchanged phone numbers. Never once did i think about anything other than friendship, that is until i had "known" her for about 2 1/2 years and then it started crossing my mind, nothing serious though. Anyways, at one point we briefly talked about how the other person would be a great person to be with, as in more than friends and what not. But with the distance, being about 1,000 miles apart we knew there wasnt much we could do especially only being about 18, 19 years old at the time. We pretty much left it at the thought of it would be pointless not to see other people since there wasnt anything we could do. I flew and met her for the first time about 3 years after we first started talking. It was great, we felt like we already knew eachother. It was like seeing an old friend you hadnt seen in years. My feelings for her had become quite stronger by this time but at the time she was seeing someone so i kept my mouth shut. I stayed in her city for 3 days, returned home, and resumed our friendship via phone and computer. A couple months ago she came and visited me and stayed with me for 5 days. She broke up with the guy she was seeing about a month prior to coming here. The time we had together was amazing, this time we really got to spend a lot of time together unlike when i visited her. We went out to eat every night and what not. Everything felt so right, i can't explain it. I know it has to be something real because i never wanted to have feelings for her in the first place, that was the last thing i wanted because i knew the distance wouldnt allow anything to happen. However it just naturally happened. Before she left i informed her how i felt, that i was serious about the possibility of "us", to the point where i feel i wouldnt hesitate to relocate if it meant being with her. That is once im financially able to. It didnt go over so well, she claimed she wanted to be just friends and that she didnt even remember discussing anything other than that. I was pretty shocked by this as you could imagine, i wasnt sure what to think or do. She said everything was fine, nothing had changed between us (meaning we were still good friends). She had been with this guy for a long time so I can understand why she wouldnt wanna think about another relationship, yet at the same time it wasnt the greatest of relationships. She called me numerous times crying and telling me how hes an ******* and treats her like **** and what not. She's been home about 6 weeks now, we've talked breifly through text messages and like one phone call i think. I know im seeking an answer you cant really give me, i just dont know where to go from here. Ive never felt this way about anyone. Im starting to think i may actually be slowly falling in love with her. I dont wanna rush anything, or scare her off or anything like that.. I just cant deny or pretend those feelings arent there. As crazy as it may sound because we met online, in a way this girl means the world to me. Although she says she wants to be just friends theres just too many signs that point elsewhere, i think shes just unsure or doesnt want to get too attached while the distance is still there {which i can totally understand, i feel the same way}. I just don't know how to explain to her that im serious and want to close the gap and be with her, in person, not no LDR or anything. I dont know how to say i see a future with us without scaring her off. Its just driving me crazy, i'd do anything to just be next to her right now. What in the world should i do? Again, i know i'm pretty much seeking an unknown answer that only time well give... i'm just hoping for some advice, anything. Advice
Yes, you are in an unusual position.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it was too soon for her to start up a new relationship. That and the distance problem.

You don't want her to forget that you love her and you don't want to drive her away so maybe you could strike a deal with her. Tell her that once a month you will mention something about bunnie rabbits (or whatever) as a hidden reminder that you love her. Not too scary for her and lets you get out your feelings every so often.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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