He wants to be friends
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year long distance. I will be home in one week for the summer and he lives in the same city as me (Pittsburgh). For the past 2 months he broke up with me twice, ended up getting back together, and then we went on a break. During this month of being on a break, we didn't talk much. However, he did tell me that him and his ex had started talking again and he thinks she wants to try and be friends with him (she cheated on him about 2 years ago and has tried since to be friendly with him) He says he has no interest in getting back together with her. Last week he called me and said he just wanted to be friends because he does not want to be committed and have the obligation of having to spend a certain amount of time with me and call me every day. He says he still cares but just wants to be friends and we could hang out when I'm home. I told him that I did not know if I could just be his friend because that would be hard for me and he broke my heart. He got mad when I told him he broke my heart and said that comments like that make him realize he is making the right decision. I know that for us to ever have a chance again, I do need to be his friend first. For the next 3 or 4 weeks i plan on not contacting him and working on myself. When I feel ready I want to call him and set up a lunch date. I hope he will see how much he has missed me and we will hopefully ease back into things. Do you think this is the right way to go or do people with commitment issues have them their whole life? He is 24 and thats why I don't understand why he has these issues. I love him very much but can he change his mind in just one month or should I concentrate on finding someone who doesn't have commitment issues?
Commitment issues stay until the person finds "just the right person."
I think your plan with him has promise, but you still are dealing with a man with commitment issues. So you can give it a try and see what happens.
If he is his same old self, the my advice is to start shopping for someone new.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com