Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, 8 of them married. We have 2 children, ages 8 & 7, hubby goes to school full time and I work full time.
My husband thinks that he may want a divorce. I am devastated! He don't know if he loves me like a husband should love a wife. Whatever that is suppose to mean. Anyway, we have been through alot over the last 11 years, inlcuding my depression. I am now on anti-depressants and I thought things were getting better.
My hubby went to a counselor appointment yesterday to find out "what is wrong with him" as he says. He don't know if he is going through a midlife crisis (he's 33) or what. I think he meets a lot of girls at the college and that they have alot to talk about. I may not understand what he is talking about exactly, when he talks about his classes, but I do listen to him and every word he says.
Is there any way/anything that I can do to bring back the love that we use to have? Please help!!!
It does sound like a midlife crisis - that you guys have settled into the calm, mature love and now that he's in the hormone rich college environment with young bouncy girls, he's thinking, "Hey! This used to be me! This was fun! I want to be a teenager again!" But in reality, the whole point of being a teenager is to date people to FIND that person for you to settle down and marry and grow a mature love with. So he's fascinated by the teen part and somehow forgetting the whole "this is where I want to end up" part.
Part of being a mature person in a relationship is building a strong, stable bond with someone that you sustain through up and down, through temptation, through thick and thin. It's not about jumping from bed to bed dating all sorts of different people. That jumping around gets old very quickly and when you need someone there, nobody steps forward. That is why we choose to find someone to settle down with, to build a stable life with.
Hopefully his counsellor will help him see that. He DOES love you like a real husband is supposed to love a wife - that is steadfastly, maturely, surviving over time. it is NOT about the bubbly love of a teenager, which is only the very starting point of a relationship.
You might try to do things to help bring back some of the romance into your relationship that has mellowed out over the years. Greet him with a smile. Kiss him hello and goodbye. Get a sitter and go out to a romantic dinner together. Go out to movies together. Find a new hobby together where you can have fun. You guys were at one point just a pair of people who really enjoyed spending time with each other. Find ways to bring that sense back into your lives.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com