Dealing with him when he's upset
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
There's a man i'm about to marry, i truely love him and i can't stand losing him but i'm facing a problem which may lead to our breakup one day. I cannot deal with him when he's upset about something i did. I'll give you an example to clarify what i mean.
Yesterday, i took a look at his email account and i read some emails which he used to send to a woman he used to date a month ago. I didn't know the relationship between them was this intimate, from what he told me before, i thought it wasn't serious at all, so when i read those emails, i was shocked and hurt, and i called him crying telling him that our relationship won't work becuz i can't get over the idea that he was with this woman someday. He asked me to re think about what i say, and that he really loves me, he also said he'll call me the next day.
After i calmed down, i realized i did a mistake, and that i kinda over reacted, so i sent him an email apologizing , telling him that he's the right man for me, and that he's my true love. I waited for him to call me the next day, but he totally disappeared, i called him several times, but he didn't reply, i sent him msgs but still no answer i got, until i called him from a different number, he did pick up the phone then , he was acting cold, and after he read my email he was still acting cold, i tried doing everything possible to show him how much i love him and how i regret what i said, but whenever i tell him " i love you or i need you or i miss you" he's just like " i don't know what to say" or " i have nothing to say", but still it was my mistake and i had to fix things because i didn't want to lose him..after all what i did, he was still acting like there is a wall between us, and he said he's now worried because he's afraid that after engagement and after things get serious i may call him in the middle of the night telling him that i still can't get over his relationship with this woman...and he's still acting cold.
Now, we all do mistakes, we all do things we regret for, but he knows how much i love him, actually he guarantees my love for him more than anything else.. but honestly, i'm tortured when he does this to me.. when he's upset, i just get scared to lose him, i start feeling pain in my stomach, i don't eat and i keep throwing up.. I guess he knows what happens to me then...
Please help me with an advice, how can i deal with him when he's upset without torturing myself or losing him.
Unless I misread your note, you are about to marry a guy who was dating a woman just a month ago.
If that's true then you have a problem right there. I won't dwell on it because you might have made a typo.
Then you say that it was "yesterday" when you were snooping in his email (of course by now it is about four days ago). I normally don't answer questions about things that happened yesterday because with strong emotions (which you seem to have) the whole situation can change day by day.
In fact, this is such a fast acting situation, I am going to ask you to write me again (do NOT use the reply function but go back to the page for asking advice at http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/submit/advice_sub.asp
and tell me the current status of your problem and also verify whether you were planning on marrying a guy after only a month together.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com