What should I do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my partner for 7 years. For the last 3 years we've been living together. We bought a house last year and got engaged. We're getting married in 3 weeks. Up until recently, I've been entirely confident that he has been faithful to me.
He went to Cancun on his stag. I really had no problems with him going and he emailed me while he was there. When he came home I stupidly checked his phone. He had received a few innocent seeming text messages from a girl. He called her once on the night he returned. I confronted him about it. He explained she was a girl who he had met on a message board while planning his trip to cancun. As I have checked the message board, I know this is true. She happened to be going at the same time and recognized her at a bar from her picture on the site. They hung out (with their respective friends) and she left cancun before he did. They were not staying at the same resort. She called him when he got back to see how the rest of his trip was. That seemed innocent enough but it steamrolled me into a cycle of paranoia. I am pretty confident he didn't cheat on me with her. But he recently went to a conference from work. He stayed at a hotel for two days. On the second night i called the hotel and found out he had two rooms booked...one shared, as planned, and one on his own. I confronted him about it. He said that his friend - who he was sharing the room with - "picked-up" and asked my fiance to get his own room. again, this seemed to make sense. from the snooping i could do, it does seem evident that his friend made several female friendships on this conference.
When he got home from the conference he was fine. There did not appear to be any typical guilty signs. Again, stupidly, i checked his phone. There was one text message from his friend left the night before he got his own room saying "this is your conscience speaking...". There were no other messages of concern. I cannot confront him about this message. He is so turned off by my paranoia. He has assured me that I have nothing to worry about. We even had a "heart-to-heart" about the upcoming wedding. He explained (what I have always known) that he has cold feet - in a very typical way...but he has also continued to make plans for our honeymoon, invite more wedding guests, plan his "in town" stag. I want so badly to trust him. I have - for the most part- trusted him for the last 7 years. I'm not sure if i'm being paranoid and i should just let it go - or if i am a fool for not investigating further.
I love him with all my heart. He is a very sweet guy. He is not perfect...by any stretch...but he seems to take my idiosyncracies really well...and love me no matter what.
Am I just freaking out because the wedding is so soon?
You are just freaking out because the wedding is so soon.
You love the guy and he loves you. In the long run, nothing else matters a whole lot. You have trusted him for seven years so why not trust him for the last three weeks?
I think you are just nervous.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com