My guy doesn't trust me, and I'm cheating on him
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend on and off for almost two years. I'm pretty sure I love him, but he just doesn't make me feel the same anymore. I used to be excited to go to his house everyday, but now it seems like it's getting old. I'd rather spend time with my friends then him sometimes.
He used to have a big trust issue with me, but I don't understand why. Ive never cheated on him, and when I did "make out" with another guy, my current boyfriend had another girlfriend, and we weren't together. I don't call that cheating. He's the one who cheated on me, he went to ocean city a long time ago and slept with someone he met there, and he told me about it, and we WERE together.
My boyfriend gets an attitude when I hang out with my friends, But im not ALLOWED to hang out with any guys. Even if I'm NOT going to cheat on him. I do these things anyway.
And now i'm cheating on him. I feel bad, but I really like this other guy, He's a friend, he's not overprotective, and he makes me laugh and feel good, But I'm in a relationship, And I just don't know what to do. Im always afraid that if I break up with my current, then I'll never find anyone better than him.
The whole point of a relationship is to work on it 100% and be focussed on it. If you're going to cheat on him, then you're not being a girlfriend any more. He deserves someone he can truly rely on and trust. Yes, he screwed up in the past. And you forgave him and moved on. But right now your relationship was moving naturally from the 'hot passion' stage into the 'long term mature love' stage - and you got bored by this and ran off to cheat on him. That's not right!
You have two choices here. First, focus 100% on your relationship and make it work. Mature love can be wonderful. It means you know each other, trust each other, understand each other, rely on each other. You have fun with each other, and have fun with friends too. If you have disagreements you know how to resolve them. If there are things wrong with this relationship, then work on them!!
The alternative is to throw in the towel. Tell him you're not happy, that you're not willing to work on it and therefore you are breaking up. He deserves that much at least! If you're not happy and don't feel like you care enough to even try to fix it, he deserves to have a girlfriend who IS really interested in him. And when you're free maybe you can persue this other guy. But to cheat on your boyfriend is never, ever the answer.
The LAST thing you should be thinking about in a relationship is "what do I do when we break up?" You should be thinking about how to make the CURRENT relationship better. If you did that, then you wouldn't break up!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com