I am torn between two guys
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi again! Thank you so much for listening to my messy stories and giving me advice:)
This is the third time I am e-mailing you to ask for help. Last time I told you that I am torn between my shy admirer and my really cute dance partner. Now it is even worse because surprisedly my dance partner turned out to be interested in me beyond flirting or at least that is what I think. We dance together almost everyday 'cause we are preparing ourselves for a dance competition abroad. Apart from that he talks a lot, he cannot keep his mouth shut when we are together and he seems to enjoy my company very much-he tells me funny stories about what he read or saw or heard during the week, he tells me a lot of personal stuff about himself and he jokes in a very nice way. He even invited me to attend some of his university lectures (he studies law in the same city where I study politics, but in a different university). Our dances involve a lot of physical contact, which is prefectly normal, but we initiate a lot of physical contact outside of dancing as well: we hold hands, he gives me hugs, allows me to wear his cap, etc. And of course, he looks at me with "sparkling" and loving eyes and pays me compliments for my appearance, etc.
All that would be wonderful if it was not for my shy admirer who attends the same dance group. It is obvious that he is jealous. Lately he has been trying to get closer to me, he speaks to me more than usual, in a loving way. The problem is now I am torn between the two: I enjoy the company of the new admirer, but sometimes when I see the other one standing in the corner with a sad face, my heart hurts a lot. I want to feel loved and that is why I am spending a lot of time with the new guy, but I also miss the company of the other one 'cause we have gone together through good and bad times and he has always been there by my side when I have needed a real friend.
What is the best way to deal with this situation?
You're torn between two lovers and that's a tough situation to be in.
One thing to consider is that if you take up with the new guy, it may affect your dance competition. Suppose you get in a lovers' quarrel or break up right before an event?
Is there some way to postpone the decision making until that is no longer a consideration? It would also be good for you to explain to these guys what is going on. You would have to be very gentle with each of them and let them know you care about each one very much.
If push comes to shove, I'd recommend the new guy. You are very attracted to him and enjoy his company and he is your partner. The other guy seems more that you feel sorry for him and appreciate what he has done... but you are not excited about him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com