Making progress part 3
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hiya George :)
Its me again :P
Well, some more signals have been cast, yet I'm even more confused. First I'd like to say that my quest for connecting with god is going very well. I have noticed alot of positive changes in my behavior and thoughts. I also dropped the bomb on my family that I've been attending church and that I'm trying to regain center.
Most are surprised that I have chosen that avenue when they consider how closed minded I have been about religion in my past.
Anyways, check this out. Friday April 6th I recieved a phonecall from my ex and she had asked me if I would like to attend church with her and the family on Easter Sunday so that I wouldnt have to go alone. Needless to say, I jumped on that offer immediatley. Then I proceeded to tell her that I would be attending the 7pm Good Friday sermon and that we may run into eachother. I ended up getting there at 7:30PM because I worked late and I arrived just in time for the Pastor to start speaking. So I walked in and spotted her and her mom immediately and sat down on the opposite side of the church. When church was over I was walking out and she spotted me and called me over. We walked to the door and asked me to say hello to her mom. Of course I did because I was raised to be respectful.
Well, her mom hugs me 3 times and tells me that she misses me and winks at me. And my ex hugs me twice also! I leave the church and head home and I get a phonecall from her saying how nice it was to see me at church and so on. The following day I went to the bookstore to find a book on maariage and commitment and didnt find anything! While driving home I saw a florist and decided to buy her mom some flowers for her anniversary and for Easter. I drove to her house and knocked on the door and her parents answered.( I didnt think she was a home BTW )
I gave the parents the flowers and then she popped out of nowhere and says "I thought I heard you voice". I felt like a total jerk for invading her home and exceeding this invisible line. I said I had to go and left soon after. I
didnt recieve a phonecall from her saying that was nice or anything! So then Easter Sunday comes along and I meet her and her family in the lobby of the church. We all sat together and her father sat between her and I. And it seemed that she wanted it that way. Once during the sermon she looked over and smiled at me and I winked at her. It all went well in my eyes. After church I called her and told her that it was very nice that she considered me and invited me to church and she responded with "yeah, I hope you didnt mind siiting next to my dad". Before the phonecall ended I told her that I was sorry and concerned about bringing the flowers over and possibly crossing the line. She says! " that was nice, but dont do it every holiday" !!!! WHAT!?!?.
Here are some more confusing signals. I have to move out of my apartment to get my finances back in order. One option is to move into my parents house. Yuck! Her concern is that OUR cat would forced to stay outdoors if I move there. Then I mention that I may move in with my brother which is across the street from her and she says " that would be good because then I can save money on gas with my new job and continue going to her church. And the cat doesnt have to stay outdoors". Confusing....
All the women in my family/friends are as confused as I am.
The last time we spoke was Sunday and I texted her today asking her if she liked to chat. She called me while I was typing this out BTW. She seemed irritable at first as if she was doing charity talk, but then she opened up and we spoke freely and had some laughs. She had let me go and said for me to call her later tonite and I responded by telling her to call me when she was free to speak.
This season of my life has been one of the most difficult So many things are outta place and strangely enough I'm okay with it all. I believe going to church has changed my outlook on life and being better to myself and others. I have always been good person but I guess not living up to my potential. In the long run I know everything will turn out to be okay. I'm still trying to crack the code of this womans thoughts and I'd like to hear what your opinion is. Also, I think it's terrible that
there are people profiting from others misery when dealing with ex's. I've read so many different angles on "how to's".
Some seem to make sense and some contradict others. I dont want to play mind games as some suggest, but at the same time I dont want to fall into the "friends" category.
Once again sorry this is soooo long. Thanks again for being honest and objective about our problems. I hope all is well in your life. Thank you friend :)
Seems that everything is moving slowly in your direction.
Keep doing what you have been doing but try to relax a little more since things are going well. Try to go with the flow... just a tiny example is when she asked you to call her. You should have just said yes rather than telling her to call you when she was ready. Not a really big deal, but I sense a bit of tension on your part. But then winking in the church was a relaxed confident move on your part so maybe you aren't tense. Think about it.
Thank you for your kind comments and wishes for my well-being!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com