In Love vs In Lust

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I'm in love with girl which my mum thinks she is brash but I think only she is rebellious to everyone. So that if I talk to her she rejects every propose without a second thought. For instance if I say her: Would you like to go with me today out? she will jeer me. She rejects everything in a rude way.

What should I do? I am head over heels with her. Advice
First, you seem to have a wild crush on her :) But this isn't love yet. Love is about dating someone for 6 months and knowing them inside and out, trusting them fully, them trusting you fully, being honest and open and respectful. If right now she spends her time jeering at you and being rude on purpose, that isn't anywhere near love. In many ways it's the opposite of love which is probably why your parents aren't fond of her.

It sounds like this girl is trying to be an "independent adult" and doesn't know how to. She THINKS that it means being rude and obnoxious. But that is how to be a child throwing a tantrum. An adult does what she wants to do BECAUSE she wants to do it - not because others tell her to do something else. And an adult NEVER harasses someone they care about!! That is about the opposite of maturity.

This is an important lesson she has to learn if anyone is going to respect her and her views. Very few people respect a nay-sayer and in fact most will actively avoid one. She'll find it extremely hard to find a job with that kind of an attitude. And the more she does things just because others tell her not to, the more of a puppet she will become. She won't be doing things because they are right for HER, she'll just be doing things to impress other people. And life is NOT about impressing other people. That's a sure way to reach misery pretty quickly.

In any case, while she goes through this stage, you can certainly be her friend and help her find her OWN path in life - one that involves her making choices for herself. If she picks on you, don't take it. She isn't going to respect someone that she can walk all over. She's not a 3 year old that can get away with treating you like dirt. Not that 3 year olds should be able to either! So say "Cut it out" , seriously, if she acts like a jerk. She might be surprised at first - what, someone is expecting her to act like a mature person?? But you'll be doing her a huge favor by treating her - and expecting her to treat you - like a pair of people who respects each other. She has to learn that she can trust you, and can TALK to you - without this childish attitude. It's only if you guys can really talk to each other, honestly, that the relationship will work.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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