She Slept Around, I Blame Myself
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
The girl im talking to now is my ex-girlfriend. We talked about getting back together because I really was miserable without her. Well she said the same thing, but before we got back together she said that i should know something. Well she had slept with two different guys and said she did that becuase while we were broken up she wanted to get me off her mind and move on. Well she said that instead of getting better she only got worse. She made me feel so sad because of that.
Now Im stuck wondering if I should get back with her or not because of what happened, I cant help but feel that was my fault. If I would have never left the one girl that I loved that would have never happened. What should I do? Where should I go?
No no no!! You are falling for the oldest trick in the book - to blame yourself when someone else does something wrong.
Look here. You guys BROKE UP because you weren't happy. This is what you are SUPPOSED to do when you are unhappy - either find a way to resolve it or break up. That is the way dating works. And then you are both free individuals again to do whatever you wish to do with your life.
She CHOSE ON HER OWN to go sleeping around with other guys. Believe me, most girls don't choose to do this!! Most girls spend time getting through the "rebound" period and then find another guy to date. Not her! She decided the perfect solution for her was to randomly sleep with guys. This was HER CHOICE and it wasn't a good one. That is HER FAULT and HER RESPONSIBILITY.
She has to take responsibility for her own actions. She can't blame you!! What kind of a statement is that, that she is so incapable of controlling her own body that she was "forced" to sleep with another guy just because she didn't have a boyfriend at the moment? What does that say about the millions and millions of virgin girls out there that are patiently waiting for the right guy to come along? They all manage to wait somehow. But she couldn't.
You need to really think about this. It's very, very common to miss an ex. But you guys broke up for a REASON. That reason didn't go away. It still exists. And obviously it was bad enough before to cause you guys to break up. If you get back together, remembering all the "good", that "bad" part will come back just as strongly. And now you have the added difficulty of knowing that she'll run off and sleep with a guy whenever things seem rough to her, because that is her solution to life.
Yes, it CAN work - but only if she stands up and takes full responsibility for herself and her actions, and makes a strong vow to take better care of herself and her body. And of course to be loyal to you. And then you BOTH have to talk about what really was wrong before - honestly and openly - and find ways to fix it. If you just say "It'll be great this time!" then it probably will fail. If you don't talk about the issue, you can't fix it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com