Alcoholic boyfriend repeatedly slips back into old behavior

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have a wonderful boyfriend in many ways except that he admits to being an alcoholic, won't seek treatment and tries to stop on his own but often will drink for no other reason than because it was available, like at an office party or luncheon. I am caught completely unawares when it happens. He doesn't communicate with me at all and I don't know where he is. If we were supposed to meet somewhere he just won't show up and I won't know till the next day whether he made it home in one piece or not. I've had bad experiences in my life with an alcoholic father, step-father, x-husband. I've had one person close to me try to commit suicide because of their secret drinking problem and another did die from cirrhosis of the liver. I didn't know my boyfriend had this problem when we first met and he hid it from me for a while. He feels that I should accept this fault in him but I feel that it is more than a fault if his behavior while under the influence affects other people. What do you think? Advice
It think that you should seek personal counselling.

You have had too many alcoholic figures in your life for you to see the problem clearly. Oh yes, you do see most of it but probably not whatever it takes to cope with this behavior.

The adviser could give you insights into your own reactions and you might prepare yourself to help your bf. You've probably tried everything you can think of with no success. Now it's time to ask someone to help you.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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