I dont want to stop talking to her, but i just feel sad
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I had already wrote for advice to this page, now the situation is that i broke up with my girlfiend, first she is a girl with a very low selfsteem , she says that she has many complexes about her, so we were a great couple, becouse first we were friends for a long time, and between us there were no lies, and she says, and i know, that i am the only person in the world who really really know her, i may seem quite prepotent saying that but the fact is that she is not so "open" to everybody, neither to her sisters etc, ok, but she broke up with me, she enjoyed everything with me, its something that you feel in the moment, but she... felt bad, sometimes, for many stuff, like she hated to put conditions in the relationship ( we are students, and we NEED time to study, sometimes she put the study as a priority, it really didnt matter to me, but that makes her feel like she is a bad person with me. or sometimes she didnt wanted to spend time with me, she wanted to be alone, although later she regret about it becouse with me she spent a great time, but she felt bad about it becouse she thought it was something horrible she did with me )
Also... she thinks she is ugly ( no, its a lie, for me she is a beutiful girl... ) she thinks she is a bad person, i guess she felts that she wasnt the one for me, i mean, she has told me that she feels bad when she thinks about who she is, and what i want, so she really enjoyed the relationship, holding, kissing, talking, spending the time togheter but she feels pressure if we are a couple, its easier to her to say to me that she cant spend time with me if we are just friends that if we are a couple, she doesnt feel so guilty. its true she enjoys the time we spend together but she also feels bad about how much she does for me... also she feels guilty about a lot of stuff that she did in the past with me, when i was trying to be her boyfriend, things like just saying to me that no, she says that everything would be different if she in the beginning had told me that "yes"
So now, i, what the hell should i do? its scary to think that in some time she suddenly fell in love or something, and then i will see her with a guy, and i just will feel so damm bad, so i dont know what to do, i really like her as a friend, she is my friend and i enjoy talking with her about our damm lives, but its hard for me to see her there and i just want to give her a hug, it isnt that bad, but now it is becouse it just makes me remember a lot of things and my love doesnt die... and i must not think about it, not feeling it anymore, not feeding it with hopes or memories, i dont know how to be her friend, thats what she wants, and i want her to be my girlfriend and stop to face all that fears that she has to the commitment, but she wont do, also we are sooooooooooooo busy in the college, she just thinks about study, she says she doesnt think about all these, becouse she doesnt want to feel bad, becouse she dont have time for it, its hard to me to be her friend, becouse in the bottom i want her back... but i guess i hold hope, she doesnt want to start againg neither she has time to think about it, also, i guess she doesnt feel the pressure anymore so she is more comfortable now, so..................should i forget her and all becouse it isnt my fault and its all up to her or what?
And if thats the way it should be, then how i do that, without stop being her friend... or just without feeling bad about her, i dont want to hate her or something, sometimes i feel like that, i just want to forget in an easy and healthy way, so...........how? i see her everyday, almost like 3 times, like for at least 2 hours, some days like 10 hours
How to forget? i know in the end its simple, but its easier that someone like you people tell me something a good advice, for me to not have to figure it out bymyself and in the way making mistakes
Remain her friend and see what develops.
Only time will tell what will happen, so you should give her another month or two to see how things go. Perhaps she will want to be your GF again. If this doesn't work out youo can then stop talking to her.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com