I gave him up, but it was a terrible mistake.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
About 5 months ago, I met this guy, and we really hit it off. For over a month, we saw each other almost everyday and it was really great. But there were problems from the start. Not between us, but from my friends and family. I'm 20 now, 19 when this happened, and the guy I was seeing just turn 39. It always kind of bothered me that he was older, but everyone around me was telling me it was a huge mistake, and I eventually believed them completely. I then told him I just wanted to be friends, and he said it was fine. We still were close and still had relations, and it was as if we were still together. This seemed wrong to me, and I thought it best if we took a month off from seeing each other, to sort out our feelings. He didn't really like the idea, but he agreed. We still talked and messaged each other all the time, but we just didn't actually see each other. During this course of about a month and a half, he would message me and call me a lot, tell me that he missed me and wanted to be with me. He also told me he loved me, but I didn't know how I really felt or what to say. I was still hung up about the age thing, and there were times I really wanted to see him again so bad, but I though it best to still keep my distance. Then time passed, and I realized that it was all so stupid. I felt like I had grown up, changed, and that I in fact, loved him. I wanted to be with him again, I wanted it all back. But by then, things had changed. He had really moved on. The first time we saw each other after the break, we kissed a little, but that was it. I became so depressed, because I wanted him back, but he had moved on. I've just felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I'd do anything to take it back. He knows how I feel, and I've told him countless times my feelings, to show him that I was different, and also because I was hoping that we could be together again. But it seems that he's really moved on, and I realized I need to as well. I've gotten better, but I still miss him. He's kind of made it known that there was a chance in the future, but I'm not sure, he kind of gives mixed signals. There's this look he gives me, one he's always given, an affectionate look, one he does without realizing it, and he still does it to this day. I also wrote a story about us, about what has happened between us up to this point, and after reading it, he said that our story isn't over, and we don't know what's going to happen. I've also brought up that maybe in a few years, after I've matured some more, and if we're both still single, that we could maybe try again. He says that maybe, and that we'll end up where we're supposed to be. He's made it known that he doesn't want to be with me now. I've asked him out of curiousity, what he would do if I kissed him, and he said not to think about it, it's not a good idea. And also, he's brought up that maybe he'd like to start dating other people again soon, although he also said he enjoys being single. But that's not all, since the break, our friendship has changed as well. He's still one of my good friends, like always, but I just don't see him as often. He's admitted he's burried himself in his work, he works from home, so he doesn't have to think about me or other problems in his life. I'm just so conflicted. I would give anything to have him back, but I guess it's not in the cards at the moment. He's just the first guy I've ever been in love with, and I always wanted the first guy I loved to be the one I spent the rest of my life with. And it's not just this fantasy I'm hung up on, he has all the qualities in someone I've ever wanted, and he's my best friend. The age thing seems so stupid to me, and I realized that when you love someone, nothing matters. I love him with all my heart. Is there any hope? We've said we'll always be friends, but I'm always going to want more. Not enough that it will hinder the friendship, but I know I'll always hope that one day we could get back together. Do I just need to wait, let time go by, and see what happens?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Sorry you are in this predicament.

I think you have analyzed the situation very well and what you say point clearly to your final suggestion. That is you need to wait, let time go by, and see what happens.

He is not interested right now but he does hold open the possibility for the future. Keep being his good friend and things may turn your way.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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