I cheated, then confessed, but lied.
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
It starts off with us dating 3 years and 4 months ago. I was in high school and we were each other's first and only boyfriend and gf (and we had never had sex throughout high school). However, i had a problem where i'd dress really slutty and flirt with basically everyone. The relationship was shaky, but there was no cheating involved. a year ago i met another dude who was fun. my bf had a prob with him so i broke up with my bf. however, we kept in close contact. i have a small fling with the other dude (no sex, just fooling around), but it soon ended and me and my bf got back together.he didnt know that i had done anything with that other guy.i then left for college. I finally confessed about it while away at college(9hours away), and he had an extremely difficult time coping. He would call and verbally abuse me, because it helped ge tthe anger out, but then call to say he loved me. I tried to just take it, but i ended up cheating a couple times while in college (Again no sex, just fooling around). i was planning to break up with him when i flew back home. However, when i tried, it was extremely difficult since he loves me more than the world. So we went on a "break" instead. i used the "break" to confess foolin around with another guy, but i told him it occured during the break when it really hadnt.(i also said it had only happened once, but in fact it happened a couple times). he was super stressed but forgave me since he thought it happened only once and while we were on break. We finally started having sex because after i confessed i realized that i was immature and was finally ready to settle down (funny, it took me 3 years for that). about 2 months ago i told him that what i confessed had acutally happened WHILE we were dating. that didn't fly by too well, but again, he loves me so much that i destroyed him but he still wanted to be with me. We love each other soo much, esp after all thats happened and have plans to move in together next summer. However, its getting more and more difficult to live with the fact that i lied to him about the confession. He thinks it only happened once, so he's forgiven me (After asking a girl to help him cheat on me back, but not being able to go through with it). problem is, it happened more than just once. im actually experiencing a depression where i just wish i could disappear...Should i tell him? I've already hurt him twice... and if i tell him that i lied cause it had happened more than once, how and when? i've been faithful starting the "break" and i dont want to lose him, but i realize that its a possibility. i woudl do anyyything to keep him, which is why i lied and havent confessed. Please help!!!
Sorry you are in this quandary.
It isn't easy to figure out what to do.
While my usual advice is to tell the truth, in this case I say don't tell. This is because the misdeed was relatively minor. I don't really feel comfortable with that advice, but that's my feeling right now.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com