I'm Insanely Jealous over a CoworkerVisitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met my partner a year and a half ago at work. We work in the same office, in fact we sit not very far away from each other and this has been the case throughout our relationship.
Ever since we got together I have felt threatened by an extremely attractive co worker who has lots of confidence and who my partner really gets on well with.
I have read numerous self help books and pages such as this looking for advice, I have even been to counselling however nothing has helped. We argue all the time over it, for some reason I just feel completely scared of this person and my partner liking each other and even sneaking about behind my back, even though I work so closely to them and can see what goes on most of the time, and also even though I am not particularly unattractive myself. It is funny because I do not feel jealous of any other people, only this one person. It has almost turned into an obsession.
I know it sounds silly and pathetic but I really really want to stop feeling like this. I want to get over it so that if I do see them talking to each other I don't feel the sick feeling that I get or feel like bursting in to tears or worrying that they will bump into each other out of the office as thats is how I feel at the moment.
As I said this is all taking place at work and as I spend most of my time there, I need to stop it NOW and stop worrying about it - I feel like it has now taken over my life (and my boyfriends for that matter) and I don't want to live my life like this anymore. Please help me.
I do have a how-to get through jealousy here -
but if you've read books and pages then you've probably already read most of what it says. In essence this coworker woman must really epitomize for you what is really desireable in a woman - i.e. she has all the traits you wish you had. And therefore you cannot understand how your boyfriend could choose you over her, since she seems much more perfect than you are. And you worry constantly that he will realize this soon and therefore, logically, leave you.
You are quite right that you have to really take serious steps here to end the jealousy, because it can easily destroy relationships. And if you drive him away, you can have a self fulfilling prophecy where he DOES end up with her and that it's your fault for pushing him to her.
You need to stop thinking of this as a "silly obsession" and start seeing it as a serious threat to your relationship - and the jealousy in you as a serious threat to ANY relationship you want to hold. I would really talk with a therapist about seeing her (or him) for at least a few weeks to get you on the right track with this. There must be something at the root of these feelings, and a therapist can yank those out so you can start dealing with the problem.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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