Pregnant after a Break-up/Do you tell?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
B and I had been dating for about 10 months when he started to get freaked out about the future. I'm in my 30s and he's in his 20's and while I'm ready to get married and have children, he was not ready. So we decided to take a break. During the break, he went online and started to meet other people and I found out thru a friend. When I confronted him, we broke up. It did not end well and we are not speaking or trusting each other. His words were "Move on. I'm done. Get on with your life."

I had been not able to keep food down and was exhausted but I figured this was just because of the stress of the break up. A week later I realized that I had not gotten my period that month. I have take two pregnancy tests and they are both positive. I have an appointment in a few weeks for an ultrasound.

The question-when do I tell him, should I even tell him and how do I tell him? I believe that he should know but I fear that he won't believe me. It's only 2 weeks since we broke up. The timing is awful. I am still in the scary miscarriage stage and I am not sure that I want to keep it. If either of those things happen, what do I say to him? A friend told me not to tell him until I'm sure what I want to do and after I hit the second trimester. While not dealing with him seems the easiest, I'm so stressed out. I'm still not eating and am losing 2 lbs a week. I can't stop crying and worrying about the future.

Advice please, I'm so confused and scared. Advice
My advice will be inadequate, an internet query is not the way to deal with this.

You should find a professional counselor to help you sort through these issues and help you find ways of coping with your emotions and weight loss. Do this quickly because you need help.

Think about these questions:
* do you want to use the baby to try to get the guy back?
If you do, tell him immediately. If he wants back then you are set.
If either of you don't want back together then you need decide whether you
want the baby. All you have to say to the guy is you aren't sure yet and ask him if he wants to know one way or the other. He should know if he wants to.

But these thoughts need more exploration and that's why I recommend you see a counselor soon.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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