where is this going?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met a guy a long time ago at work. He is 33 and I am
22. He owns a business next door from where I served
at a resturant where he would come in all the time.
Sparks flew the first time and we ended up going out.
His business was just about to open, completely
stressed- yet still maintained to have a sexual
relationship with me at random times- if you want to
call it that. We slept together on the first night and
a couple more after until one day a friend tells me he
has a "bump" down there and immediately I start
panicking because the night before i had just slept
with the business owner unprotected. (I was only sleeping with him)....Realizing how old
he is, it frightened me to think about all the women
he had probably slept with in his past. I brang the
news upon to him and he automatically he assumed I had
slept with my friend- (I didn't) because he just couldn't
understand why I was so worried. I tried to tell him
everything is going to be okay and I was clean- but
there was no way convincing him and he then assumed I
passed an STD to him or whatnot. I got checked, I was clean
so obviously he was too. Because of this, he didn't
talk to me for the longest time. He would ignore my
phone calls or even in public and I was sure it was
the end of that. Although, the little time we had
developed, I still cared for him deeply and was pretty
This past Christmas ( a year later after this happened)
I ran into him at the restuarant
again which was completely unexpected. He sent me a
text later that night- as a courtsey to say hello- and
apologizing for the awkwardness. i thought nothing of it. a
couple weeks later again i saw him at a casino (i live
in vegas) and i thought it was smart to be the bigger
person and say hello this time. i left making it short
and sweet and he then texted me what i was doing
later. it then kind of became clear to me that he let
the past go and it seemed he wanted to establish some
kind of friendship or so i thought especially texting me what my plans were for new years. finally one night
i got the courage to ask him out for a drink. he ended
up inviting me over instead to smoke pot and just hang
out. when i got there, we talked a lot about
everything. a lot has happened in my life this past
year and one of them was even starting my own business
which happens to be right down the street from his. as
soon as i told him that, he seemed shocked knowing it was under construction completely unaware it was mine- but happy
for me at the same time. also, i am graduating in may,
so i am sure he didn't take me for such an immature needy
girl that i may have come off in the past. before, i was telling him i didn't want to be in a relationship but all my actions showed that i did. that night
one thing led to another and we had the most amazing
sex. days after we would text back and forth about
business and occasionally meet up again to smoke or
have the incredible sex that we do. the way this
realationship is going, i am truly okay with it-
however the problem is that i like him. this time
around my business is starting and i am finally
starting to see the heavy workload he had to go
through when we first met when all i would do is complain yet didn't understand in the slighest. i can't ever discuss
me/him/realtionship or ask about other girls in his
life because i am sure he will starting running. every moment i say something could be very volatile.
what's really hard about this is that we almost always
communicate on his behalf. there have been times where
i've invited him over and he doesn't respond or come.
this guy that i am seeing, i have to tell you has a
very luxious life. he does what he wants, when he
wants, where he wants. it's not that he is incapable
of having a serious realationship either- he has had a
gf of 8 years in his earlier years so i know thats not
the problem. i just figure he would rather not have
drama in his life when it comes to the bullshit with
girls. however when we hang out, it is truly amazing.
at least for me that is. the sex is unbelievable and i
respect him for everything he has established and i
hope he feels the same vise versa. my question is,
will he come around anytime for good "if im on my best
behavior?" this meaning never speaking of "us" or a
"realationship" or time spending together and just taking
it for what it is? the other girls in the past he has
told me, has been a lot of headache for him as far as
them having issues with the laid back lifestyle that
he has. he said they were never okay with it. however
i know what he has to offer, so i am okay with it. i am also completely okay with his lifestyle and what he seems to do with it and i wouldn't mind sticking around even if it's just sex. what seems to scare me is that
if this keeps continuing- will he ever try to even
make anything out of it or not? will he ever take me for the laid back girl version of himself- that he actually wouldn't mind being more involved with? since the second time around has come for us, it's a lot different. i don't show him i am needy etc or tell him he is my everything like i used to. where is this going? because all in all- i would love to be with him exclusively in the long future if he considered it. right now i am just taking it for what it is, even if it means sex- just to have him in my life.
side note: in public he acutually showed affection. it was surprising to see how he would treat me, but he was a complete gentleman that he is and it really helped me understand that i just maybe was not some "girl" that he sleeps with in his life. could i be wrong?
You seem to have the matter under control.
He doesn't sound like a guy who is playing around. He shows you respect and is concerned about your happiness.
He just isn't ready to commit to anything more right now, so your decision to take it as it comes is probably a wise one in the long run.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com