Lacking a Subtle Approach...

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Okay, this might sound really stupid and childish, but...theres this guy that I want to get closer to...its just that...we arent friends. I mean, we hang out in the same group...kind of. Its just that the group is...huge. And, we casually make conversation when we're at lockers or in the one class we have together, but its just one of those...we're both friendly people kind of things. I'm new to this school, actually and he isnt. Everyone knows him and has a crush on him...and I dont exactly fit into their group. I know youre thinking...this is a preppy group and shes the outcast...but its opposite. Their group is...punk and emo. And...I'm not, at least...not as much. So, when im around him i just kind of sit there and listen. we have sooo much in common and he has alot of...emotional problems with his family and some of his friends, and he just seems like i really great guy, but it bothers me that hes so...secret about it. like, i can just feel that theres this really complex personality inside him, but he isnt so open about it. and, i really want to talk to him. and hes helping me with my math right now, but thats all we talk about. and...we talk about all the drama and how stupid it is sometimes. but thats it. and, ive read all these tips but there all things that i cant do until me and him are at a closer level in our friendship...hes just not the type of person whos just going to let it happen, though. he has to want it. so...i need to know how to make him want to be friends with me without having to...make it look like im desperate i guess. just...simple things that guys are appealing to guys or that make them interested in someone...friendship wise, not girlfriend wise. not quite yet anyway. <3-sorry so long. Advice
One way to look at building relationships is by working on three things.

The first is east. Sharing information such as you are doing in math, or chatting about teachers This is communication.

Second is compassion. This means growing together by sharing feelings. You need to let him know how you feel about things and gradually he will share feelings with you. This also builds trust.

Third is affection. The affection needs to be appropriate for your level of relationship. In your case it could be simple compliments, thanks, smiles, and hugs.

Try these things and your relationship will get stronger.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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