I dont know what to do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Okay, My girlfriend and I just broke up a week ago. She said she just didnt feel the same. But the day before she felt fine. But she said somedays recently she just didnt feel the same for whatever reason. Maybe because we argued and it pushed her to feel that way. We had been argueing for about a month but nothing serious, just stupid stuff i would say. It wasnt everyday it would be like one week then like the next week or like 2 weeks later or something.I mean ill admit that i would cause stupid little arguements over the time that weve been together because i never thought the things we faught about got to her so much. And she would always tell me that oneday its just gonna pile up and she wont be able to get over it. Well she finally broke up with me. She said she didnt feel the same. SO weve been dating for like a year and a half. Weve basically been together for 2 yrs. Like everything about our relationship is great. We get a long great and everything. We enjoy spending much time as possible together and never seem to be able to get enough. When she broke up with me we both cried and hugged and kissed and it really hurt. And then the next day i was like im going to write down somethings that i really want me and her to talk about. So i wrote them down and she agreed to come to my house to talk about them. Well we talked for an hour and 45 minutes. And we agreed on the things that are important to her and me also. That was the first time that we had really communicated on that level. I mean when we would fight yea we would talk about it but we never did what we did that night. And we both felt good after talking. She just tells me she needs her time and her space right now because she is confused and dosent know what to do. I mean even when we were talking about all these things we would smile and hug and she would lay on me. Well i talked to her cousin and her cousin dosent know what she wants. I mean she just got a new position in her sorority, the new semester started and shes dealing with the death of her cousin from like August. And his birthday just passed. And i dont know if any of that is playing a roll in it. I know that the things that we faught about were really stupid and i was dumb for doing that. And i feel maybe she was just so frustrated with getting the same results everytime. Shes 19 and im 22. And I love her with all my heart and she told me she loved me that same night we talked. Weve talked about marriage and all of that. Now i feel like i really let her down and wish we could of solved this while we were still together. Now what do I do she said she wants her space and her time just to chill and think. And she said ya know this is my only serious relationship ive ever been in. She was saying I have only had one semester of college to myself. But she told me she dosent want to go out and is not interested in any other guys just me. She just wants me time and time to think. So do i just wait for her to call me or can I call just whenever. She said I could always call her whenever but just give her her space too. But i told her i respect you and love you so much im going to give you what you need. I told her ill always be there for her and she said the same. Its just really hard for me because valentines is coming up and all this stuff. I want to talk to her but i dont want to invade her space. And i also want her to miss me and realize that. Its just we both agreed that we do love each other and do have something worth fighting for. And she agreed with me about that. And she agreed that apparently were doing something right because we would not of dated that long. We agreed that the positives out way the negatives ten fold. I mean if shes saying all these things it seems that she would want to work on it. I mean she said that it is all fixable and we can work on making her feel the same. One other thing she never really goes to church and sometimes she would ask me to go but i wouldnt. And she told me that she wants her kids to grow up in church home. And i told her well i didnt know that was so important to you and it is. She told me it was her faught for not letting me know. Well i told her i want to go with her. And she said that we should go. And then i was like all these things your saying really make it seem like were going to get back together. And she agreed that there was a chance but she really didnt know. I mean why would she say she wants to go to church with me if shes not planning on getting back. Well so do i just wait now and not call her, let her call me when she wants to talk. I just dont know what to think because from listening to her cousin shes really confused and dosent know what shes going to do. Well thanks for the time and I hope i gave enough information so i can get good advice.
p.s. We started out as good friends and then like bestfriends and then started dating. She was also mybest friend while we were together. And i saw her before going to class and we got caught at the light and started talking just conversating flirting a little like we usually are. And i told her i was going to church with some friends this weekend. And she told her cousin that she was like thats good thats hes going but why couldnt of we done that sooner. And that bothers me because she never made a attempt to me that it wass that important. OKay well that was yesterday and the offical giving her space has started. We never agreed on when we were going to talk. We will just talk when we talk i guess. I said that ill let her call when she wants because i want to give her her space. When we were walking to class she was like well ttyl. Well i was just adding this in to the other thing i wrote sorry i forgot this
You two should agree on a regularly scheduled phone call once a week for 15 mins. (unless she wants to talk more). Be upbeat and don't talk about your relationship, just see how each other are doing.
This will give you the contact you need and give her the space she needs.
She clearly has very strong feelings for you and hopefully this is just a passing phase with her. Continue to let her know you love her and that you will wait for her.
Consider yourself lucky that the chances with her look good for you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com