Shes scared to see me: for fear she will fall in love and get hurt again.

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
well its a long story i guess i'll try to keep it short. Me and the ex are both 20 and have dated for just about 3 years. we both went to the same high school and didn't really know each other until her senior year (she is a class ahead of me but only 2 months older). so she went to college 2hrs away for a year. we were fine. then the next year i go to college 45 min away from her, we were having a awesome time i would see her 3 days a week and we never got in a fight once it was a textbook perfect relationship. then i transfer to another school were i am now and its only 30min away form where she lives and i now live with 2 of my friends from high school that were also friends with her all through high school. ( theres the background)

no im at this school and its the first time i have really lived with friends i relay liked and wanted to have fun. my girlfriend felt like i put her to 2nd to hangout with my friends and do new things. it hurt her and she felt like i was pushing her away. and in some ways i was because i wanted to get used to my new school and catchup for the year i missed being at another school.

so then 2.5months ago she breaks up with me saying that i took her for granted and that i don't show my love for her enough anymore. she said she really can imagine her life without me and i was the best thing that ever happened to her and all that stuff... sh just wanted some space and time to think about things.... And being so shocked about this happening. because the weekend before was a really good weekend with her and there were no signs of this coming, so i freaked out and couldn't stop telling her i was sorry i love her so much i couldn't see what i was doing but i realize now and i want to take care of it and fix it. so this went on for about a month we agreed to talk on the phone 2 days a week for an hour to keep in touch. but o course stupid me ever time we talked for the last 20-30 min of the phone conversation i told her things i realized i did wrong and how i want to make it p to her and it just overwhelmed her and frustrated her. so we both agreed to stop talking on the phone. then we just talked casually on instant messenger about how stuff was going and how school then i would ask her to do something like go out to a movie or grab some coffee and she said she would think about it but when it came to doing it she would back out last minute saying it just didn't feel right, so i would say "just give it a chance you don't know it will be bad" she took this as freaking out and we both decided to give her some space so she would miss me.... a week later after not talking we started casual talking on the internet. she said "she misses my big arms around me" and i took this as a good sign she also told me how she really enjoyed the sex i gave her and it was always vary pleasing. so we talk for another week just about every day stuff. then i find out she went out with another guy to dinner. i asked her about it and she told me all about it but promised i was just a friend. i said ok. i asked her if she could just tell me when she starts to get feelings for another man so i know its just totally over and i an move on and she said " IM NOT OVER YOU YET, AND I NEVER TOTALLY WILL BE" so she gets frustrated and i say ill give her space we take about 2 weeks off from talking and we start again. we get into some good conversation and she come out saying..."the reason i don't want to hang out and do things with you is because im afraid we will fall in love again and i will get hurt all over again" so i just wish she could see i wouldn't still be here if after 2.5 months of this i didn't mean what i am telling her. and every time we talk now when it gets goign to good and we talk to easy she cut me off and says she has to go do something. so i asked her about it and she said she is scared to let me in and share everything with me because she "knows" she will get hurt again.

so my question is what is the best thing i can do in this situation? all i could tell her is that if i truly didn't believe what i was saying is true i wouldn't still be here chasing her after 3 months i would have moved on by now.

her response " im sure you could get any girl you wanted at school why would you want me again , i mean seriously"

so what do i do, as it seems she still has feelings for me under these walls she has up, but shes scared of the hurt that can come along with taking the chance... I mean im not putting my life on hold im meeting new people and girls but i really love her and i just want to know what actions will work the bet to regain her trust... like how i should talk to her when i do ect....sorry it was long but a lot has happened

thanks for your time! Advice
A key element in getting back with her is to convince her to see you for dinner or whatever.

My guess is that once she is back with you physically she will fall for you again. So make that a priority... convincing her to meet. Maybe Valentine's Day.

She is around 21 yrs old and at that age many women want to spread their wings and see what's out there in the world. Maybe she is going through that.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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