Watching my Boyfriend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
How can I train myself to stop monitoring my boyfriend to see if he checks out other girls? Would you consider me jealous because I do this? Advice
I have an entire how-to on handling jealousy -

and yes, that is very jealous of you to prevent your boyfriend from even looking. One of those realities of life is that temptation is all around you. Beauty is all around you! You admire gorgeous sunsets, you admire lovely paintings, you admire a fine horse as it grazes in a field. You of course therefore admire a handsome man or a pretty girl when she wanders along. This doesn't mean you *act on* that admiration!

If the only way your relationship will survive is if your boyfriend is forced to wear blinders and not even SEE any other female shape except your own, it is doomed to failure. Your relationship should thrive even though there ARE obviously other girls around! No single girl will EVER be the best at everything. Even if she was the "perfect curvy blonde", there will be curvy brunettes, curvy red-hairs, slim athletic blondes, slim athletic brunettes, etc. etc. Just because he sees them and appreciates how each is different - sort of like a bunch of pretty wildflowers in a field - doesn't mean he's going to abandon you and run off with them.

Something you realize in life is that a pretty face is nice to look at - but a Best Friend who you trust is what is really important. Probably the last thing in the world I would ever consider leaving my boyfriend for would be reasons of "Someone else looks better". And that's the same thing I hear from the various guys and girls I talk to. Looks are ephemeral. They are pretty meaningless in the long run.

So smile with him if he looks at a pretty girl. Make a comment on her neat haircut! And then go back to whatever you were doing, and remind each other of just how special YOU TWO are. Because that is something to really treasure.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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