Cheating in transition
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was in an open relationship with a guy, that ended when we both found other people. it was a messy break up considering both of us just moved in together, and The new guy is a long distance relationship, Im lucky to see him once a month, but we chat/text/phone daily.
My ex is moving out in 2 weeks, but the past month, sleeping on the couch has been hard. Health, (ive been sick for 2 months) Financial and career difficulties compounded, I had a break down last night, and crawled into bed with him, where he held and comforted me. Neither of us could sleep and he had to get up early (like in 2 hours) so he asked if I would mind if he jerked off. This is something that we used to do a lot, and I was in a miserable state of mind, after crying for 2 hours, that I agreed, but in the course of action that followed, I was turned on and masturbated myself. That night I felt better because one of the reasons my ex was so hurt by our break up was because I didn't find him desirable in bed anymore, an area that he prides himself in, so I helped him regain his ego. Also we never had our official "break up sex"
half of me thinks, that until he actually moves out, we are in the "transition" phase, and i shouldn't feel that bad.
The other half is plagued with guilt. how could I do a thing like this. I would give anything to take it back, because I love this guy more than life itself, This is also the reason why i am so deathly afraid to tell him, because loosing him would be too much, but loosing his trust is just as bad.
I guess I needed closure with my ex, and i was exceedingly vulnerable.
I read some advice on another website that says DO NOT TELL HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES...that it was a mistake, but nothing good can come from telling him except for making me feel better. that I should bear the burden of this guilt. I think thats good, but I need to be able to live with myself. when he talks to me on the phone, with pure love i feel a bit nauseous, knowing what I did.
do you think in time I'll get over it, that my plan to not tell him is the right one?
the cheating itself was pretty mild, we didn't even touch each other.
I think you could go either way on this and it would work out.
Ideally you would tell your new b/f the truth and hope for the best. As you said, it was a very mild form of cheating. On the other hand, if you don't tell him you will have to suffer the guilt but knowing the guilt will fade away. Or you could wait a few months before telling him.
There is no easy answer to this situation.
Best of luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com