am i a lesbian

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Dear person,

hi, i'm a 15 year old girl that looks like a 17 year old girl. I play basketball and i keep having these sexual thoughts about my assistant basketball coach, whom is a girl. She is a junior in college so i'm guessing she's about 20-21 years old. One day at practice we were talking and she asked me if i wanted to go to camp with her in the summer. She kept on saying all these good things about it and she kept saying o yeah there is a hottub and everything there. And then the team went out to dinner and i sat by her and she kept touching my leg. I am so confused because i don't want to be a lesbian but i think i have a crush on my assistant basketball coach, please help me on two questions
1. am i a lesbian?
2. is she leading me on?
confused Advice
It is not unusual to have an attraction to an authority figure.

An authority figure is someone who has your respect, who has power over you, and who is usually older. That sounds like your assistant coach.

She is also giving you hints that she likes you more than a friend. This is a very tricky situation. Coaches are typically hands on people and go-getters. So she may just be encouraging you as a good athlete. Coaches are supposed to bring along good talent.

On the other hand, there are lesbians among the coaching ranks. It is good that you are paying attention to what she is doing and saying so that you can evaluate for yourself what's going on. As I said, it isn't unusual to have sexual feelings for an authority figure. So you could be completely straight and still have these feelings... especially at your age where you are looking for adult approval.

But then again, perhaps you are a lesbian or bi-sexual. This is not a terrible thing to be. You will have to discover this on your own. Ask yourself how you feel about boys... that could be a good clue.

Whatever you feel for her, do not act on your feelings. You are only 15 and if you and she started a romance, it could easily ruin her professionally and also get her in trouble with the law. She knows this and so my guess is that if she is a lesbian she is only teasing you and is not serious.

If this becomes more of a problem, please take steps to let other adults know what is going on. Tell your head coach, or your school psychologist, or your parents. If you tell your parents there will probably be a big freak out, so start off with other people like your main coach.

You could even talk with the assistant coach and tell her that you are uncomfortable with her touching you so much. She will know immediately and exactly what you are talking about and will stop doing it. She may also stop talking about summer camp.

It is sad that you have to weight all these things and make decisions at your age. This is one reason that people in authority should realize how much affect they have on younger people.

I hope this turns out well for you.
Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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