Should I break up with him?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been going out with this guy for 5 months. Here are the problems. I will then write about the good things. He lied to me about being on a swinger site, finally admitted it to me and said he never used it. at first said someone else put his profile up, an ex, but i knew that was not true. He also lied to me about graduating from college, he finally admitted this to me as well after i asked him straight out. he said the website thing he did when he was in a really bad place in his life a year ago. He said I would never have gone out with him if he didn't tell me he had a college degree. and that by telling me the truth about either one of these lies he would be afraid to lose me. Since he does not have a college degree (which I do have) he does not have a good job, or make a lot of money. He is always broke and borrows money from me. He does spend all the money he has on me though really - buys me clothes, digital camera, dinners etc. and always always pays me back. But i may want to have kids in a couple of years, he says he wants this to but how would he support them? He can hardly support himself. I am smarter, more attractive, better personality, more friends, cultured, well read (he not either of these last two and hardly has any friends).
But he is good to me in many ways, takes care of me in every way you can think of, supportive emotionally, suprises me with presents, romantic, caring, loving, cooks me dinner, wants to be with me forever, great sex, etc. I think I do love him as he loves me. He says he will go back to school...I don't know what to do, i do enjoy being with him for the most part and can't see my life right now without him. but i do want to date other people as well, he will not stand for this type of relationship though so I have to do it secretly even though I know it is wrong. My family, friends, therapist tell me to end it, that i will not have a good future with him. My best friend hates him...what do i do???? We have met each other's families by the wayl.
Let's first take stock of him:
Spiritually: not ok
Intellectually: not ok
Financially: not ok
A big question is whether you would want to marry and have kids with him. Do you want to stay home with the kids? If so his finances argue against him. If you are going to keep working, maybe he could be an at home daddy. Also, would you feel comfortable living the rest of your life where there is an intellectual and cultural mismatch?
Finally, consider this... when he finds out that you've been cheating on him he may decide that is a character fault of your's and dump you. The door swings both ways.
Should you break up with him? Yes. You are too much unalike.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com