Strip Club Nights

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
hi. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I have never been jealous until about 6 months ago. For the first time in our lives we went to a strip club with some friends. once we got there they paid for a lap dance for my boyfriend. I felt that he wanted her because the way he was looking at her. I got upset and left.

Ever since that night I monitor him whenever we go out. I look to see if he looks at other girls. I know this is crazy because he loves me and he is with me. We talk about it and we both think its stupid for me to act like this.I trust him and know he wants to be with me. i just cant stop checking to see if he looks at other girls. how can I stop feeling like i have to do this.

do you think I will feel better if i go re live the strip club experience again. I think things moved too fast that night and I over reacted. Advice
Strip clubs are enough to make any woman jealous. The whole point of those naked women up there is to arouse a guy and make him want her. So he was just reacting naturally to a normal stimulation. It's like this. You go into a restaurant and don't want to eat any chocolate. But then the waiter brings along a giant delicious looking, chocolate-smelling hot chocolate cake and puts it right in front of you with a fork. As much as you want to resist, you do THINK about eating it.

But your boyfriend, while tempted, didn't follow through. That's what life is about!! There are ALWAYS going to be temptations out there. There are always going to be beautiful women and rich women and younger women around. For that matter, there are always going to be smart guys and rich guys and handsome guys that you see! Probably you see movies sometimes and think a guy is cute or handsome. But it doesn't mean that you will leave your boyfriend for any of them. Life is about knowing that the world offers many things - but honoring your commitments to the people you love.

I would definitely not go back into a strip club with him. To reinforce that he of course reacts to naked female bodies would prove nothing. If you want to do something similar, rent a porn movie and watch it with him, having fun yourselves while you watch it. That might help you realize that looking at others can be harmless fun, as long as it is each other that you use those energies on.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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