He Cheated, Now I'm Jealous
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend on/off for 5 years now but we only break up because of distance most of the time and are very much in love. The problem is, a few months ago when we were on a break but still seeing each other causally he had a one night stand with someone I knew.
He blamed drink and confusion and as I know him I know he is not a bad person but now I find jealousy has taken over and really low self esteem and although I trust him, I can't help but feel paranoid and jealous of anyone pretty who does be around him. Help!
Cheating on someone can be pretty much the death of many relationships, because you fall into the situation where you feel you can't trust him any more. If he cheated once, he has shown that he has little self control. He put himself before the relationship. So if he felt that way again, and was in that situation again, he would cheat again. It's hard to feel reassured when you know that.
It takes a TON of work to recover from that blow. It can certainly be done, and it can help make you stronger than before. Obviously things haven't been that good if you keep breaking up and he felt this was even remotely OK to do. You need to fully acknowledge that, look at the entire situation clearly and start finding solutions that you can both live with.
I have suggestions on healing here -
but it also might help to start with a therapist, even for a few weeks. If after 5 years you are still having issues, a fresh view on the situation and some practical advice might really get you going in a more healthy direction together.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com