Still Seeing my Ex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My ex and I broke up about 3 years ago. but I still want him back. He has a new girlfriend, but he makes out with me. I want to end it but I can't tell myself that he doesn't still have feelings for me.

What do I do? Advice
I can definitely see why you want to find a better solution to this relationship!! You deserve having a boyfriend - not being the 'back door girl' to a guy. But on the other hand, you're comfortable with him, and you sort of hope that he'll come back to you if you hang around long enough.

The fact that he is comfortable cheating on his girlfriend with you is a bad sign, and the fact that he keeps you around as a 'safety net' is also not good. It's very, very easy to think to yourself, "I'm special, he's cheating on her because he cares about me so much." But I have many friends who were the "other woman" at one point or another, and the ones that really got back with their guys found out after a while that the guy was just as likely to then cheat on them with someone else. A guy who is happy to cheat if they feel like it *will* keep cheating, and every relationship has enough ups and downs to give him plenty of excuses to.

So I would accept that you have feelings for him. Maybe you always will. But I would also accept that he's just not the right partner for you long term. He was a great boyfriend for a while, and he's taught you many valuable things. You'll always cherish that. But it's time to move on, to find someone who understands commitment, and who is willing to put you first. You really deserve that. If your ex cares about you at all, he will understand that too.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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