I want my ex back but what should I do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've dated this girl for about 1.5 yrs. Initially, I had doubts about this relationship but after getting to know her, I find that she has every characteristics and qualities of what I want in a girlfriend and even potentially as a wife. However, we broke up because of several reasons (according to her). The first is that we are in different stages of our lives. I'm 5 yrs older than her and already have a successful career while she is in the middle of graduate school and is looking to establish her career. So basically she is not ready to settle down now or even in the near future. Second, I haven't really demonstrated my abilities to get close with her family. I'm open to it and have nothing against her family, it's just that I'm slow to open up and may not appear very social to her family. And lastly, she thinks I'm sometimes too needy and passive and that I let her get away with everything. I'm a very unselfish person and since she is my girlfriend, I'm willing to let her have everything and try to my best abilities to make her happy even at my own sacrafices. But it does get frustrating at times because to me, it seems like she doesn't put much effort to make our relationship work. She's very independent and so sometimes I don't feel like I'm very important to her.
We have broken up for about 3 months now. Initially after the break-up, we took some time apart and infrequently contacted one another. Since then, I made more efforts to contact her (i.e. take her out to dinner, surprising her with a Xmas gift etc.) and try to show concerns about her school and family. It was all going good until this past week while she was on vacation she had called me and told me that she had thought of me while she was shopping. After the call, I text her cellphone back saying thanks for the call and how much that call made my day. But since she's gotten back from vacation she has given me the cold shoulder and have avoided my phone calls and messages. (She's been back for about a week and I've called her twice and left one voicemail telling her to call me back to tell me how her trip went). I haven't heard from her since and I think she's feeling that we are getting too close and decidely to avoid me. She's very stubborn and sticks to her belief that our relationship won't work out in the long run, so I don't think she wants to give it a try again and risk hurting one another. So, is there anyway I can still get her back (I miss her and still think about her everyday)? Should I give her more time and space but fear losing her even further? Or, should I just move on despite knowing that she has every qualities that I want in a girlfriend and the fact that I really really do want her back.
Call her or leave a message that you would like to have a quick (15 min) phone call with her once a week. If she agrees, keep to the 15 min deal, be cheerful, and don't discuss your relationship. Just catch up on how things are going.
This small contact will give her the space she needs and give you the contact you need. Hope it works out.
Happy Holidays! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com