I'm Jealous over a Text
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've this friend whom I've liked for the past 4 months. We're very close and he sends me messages via the cell phone a lot (something like 50 messages a day). He claims that he doesn't have many close friends and I think he really appreciate my friendship. I don't know for sure if he likes me but he does tell me things that he doesn't tell anyone else.
Whenever we take pictures with a few mutual friends and he's beside me, he would keep a distance from me, say a couple of inches but he doesn't keep a distance when other friends stand beside him. Why?
Yesterday he sent a cell phone message to me (but it was really meant for another girl), in it he stated that he would send her to school the following day (they're classmates at the university) and almost immediately after he sent that message, he realized that he got the wrong person and he sent a message to me to apologize for his mistake. Still, the damage was done. I think jealousy got to me instantly and I just couldn't help but cry because he was sending another girl to school. But I messaged him back to say "it's ok" and that was the shortest message I had ever sent him. He immediately sent another message to tell me how he hated going to school on a Saturday and that they were going only because they needed to hand in their assignment. Normally, I would reply to all his messages but yesterday, I didn't because I was way too hurt.
Does he like her? Does he know I'm jealous?
I think you need to take a step back here and look at how jealous you are!! You and he aren't even dating - you're just good friends. And yes, you're very CLOSE friends but you have never bothered to talk with him about dating or anything else. Do you now say that you want to lock him up in an ivory tower so he has NO OTHER FRIENDS? Yes, he and you are close, but it would be cruel and nasty for you to expect him to ONLY talk to you, to NEVER talk to anyone else and that you are such a spotlight-on-me person that you must be the sole thought in his head 24 hours a day. That's really unhealthy.
He obviously cares for you deeply. But he has other people to talk to! And yes, of course he likes his other friends! If you want this relationship to go on with him, and if you want it to keep being an IMPORTANT relationship, then you need to get some HONESTY into your life. Talk to him. Tell him that you were jealous that he was talking to another girl - but that you understand that he WILL talk to other girls. And if you WANT TO DATE HIM then TELL HIM THAT. For you to flirt for four months, and like him a lot, and to cry because he TALKS to another girl and be upset with him is a bit extreme. If you want him to be your boyfriend, then tell him that. If you DON'T want him to be your boyfriend, then be happy that he has other girls in his life! Or did you want him to be your "male friend" and that in return he was not going to talk to any other human being except you?
I have pages on jealousy here -
this is really something you need to take care of now, before it destroys your friendship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com