Can things return to how they used to be?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend had been friends for over a year before we dated. We dated for over 5 months before we decided to tell our parents about us, seeing as we both knew we could make this relationship last for a long time, even through University. So we told our parents, his parents' didn't mind my parents (primarily my mom) flipped out. She believed he was a psycho person with no loyalties and was only pursuing this relationship for lust. Which is not true and I tried to talk to my mom about it but she won't listen.
This resulted in my boyfriend getting yelled at 2 times and both times I wasn't there nor was I aware that my parents did this sort of thing. After the 1st time, he still wanted to try for this, he still wanted to stay by my side and he still wanted my parents to understand. But after the second time, he changed...more distant with me and he felt so cold when i talked to him. But he said he still felt the same as before (wanting to make parents understand) and told me to find a solution. We talked a few times during July about this and in August he was never on MSN and i can't call him least I risk getting in trouble.
My friend became fed up with the way he is and called him to ask him about what the hell he wanted. I also got a chance to talk to him and he still told me to find a solution and that he was fine. Come September, he suddenly messages me and said he 'lost his feelings for me' and 'he thought we shouldn't be together anymore'. No matter what I said, his mind didn't change and I never yelled at him either. and both me and him said we don't blame each other for any of this.
My friend was also talking to him and my friend found out that my boyfriend still shows signs that cares about me and that he did want help during the Summer with dealing with the issue. My boyfriend also said that I gave him too much space and didn't try to find out how he is. Problem with that is, I tried to see if he was okay 3 times, one time i got snapped at and the 2 times he never gave me a reply. And during the entire summer, the way he talked and acted made it seem like he was fine.
I know I should just forget about this entire issue and move on. I've tried, I haven't seen him for 7 months and during this time I have tried to move on and when I was thinking 'wow, I've finally move on'. I saw a very recent photo of him and all those feelings that I buried inside me came back and i found out that I care about him as much as I did before...maybe even more than before
Right now, I haven't talked to him about anything yet. Some ppl are saying he's emotionally drained right now and forcing this issue on him will destroy our friendship. While some others, have said he's trying to protect me. On MSN, I see him online sometimes...but its so few now...i know he has skool and i knw he is busy as hell with that...but still... my question is... what, as a guess, does his varying words me? will he talk to me again or do I have to message him? is it possible to find a way to fix the situation? can we back together cause i miss him so much
You are in a tough situation.
Your mother is the source of all your problems. You need to assure her that he is a trustworthy boy and that you are old enough to take care of yourself. Ask her why she is so suspicious. Did something happen to her when she was a teenager that is influencing her reaction to this boy?
Try to get your father on your side if you can. He probably won't want to get into the middle of this but it is worth a try for you to ask.
But if your ex is not going to respond then what is the use? I can't guess what he will do or what he means. My advice is to contact him and find out what his current thinking is. Ask him how he would feel if your mother changed her mind.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com