I don't know what to do!
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have changed the names, but the story here is...
I was seeing a guy names Brett for 3 weeks, we got really close but not intimate. We really liked eachother. I had previously been seeng a guy that really destroyed me emotionally, and taht took advantage of my young age. So when i started with Brett i told him alot about what happened. I told him i didnt want to move fast i wanted to take it slow. And even though we agreed to that, our talking and messages were going alot faster tan we had planned. A friend of mine and his appearantly too then came into the picture, unaware that Brett and I were dating. And he wanted to ask me out, but i only heard about htis through a freind and one day got a message from him (Daniel). I told Brett what had happened and i was unsure of how to tell Daniel no, because Brett and I didnt want people to know we were dating. Later i was talking to Brett and he seemed a little uneasy, and my friends had been telling me Daniel was hte better choice. Under influence i became unsure about Brett, not that i liked Daniel. But i used it as an excuse to slow things down or end it with Brett, because i didnt want to say the reason i was questioning our relationship (because of the things friends were telling me, it would only hurt him i thought). I told him i wasn't sure who i wanted to be with, him or Daniel, and this dragged on for a week. And at the end he said "Look, i think i am falling inlove with you." That sent me crazy because of what i had been through with my ex. I didnt want things to go that fast and his saying that after 3 weeks of dating made me think my friends were right, and he was a child. So i said can we just stay friends i dont want to date u or him. I will get to know you both from a distance, and make my decision later. I didnt want to get to know Daniel, but i felt like Brett was choking me. When Daniel found out about Brett he layed off me, even though i wasnt really interested anyway.
Its now 9 months later, and we are fighting still, because i tried neumerous times to get him back, and he tells me the only reason i wanted him back is because Daniel rejected me. And he didnt want to be the 2nd choice. He says that it was ok before, but now its just too much for him. And i dont know what to do. I regreted listening to my friends, and i learnt my lesson in that regard. I really want him back. I tried a million things. And now Im out of ideas. I tried telling him we could just be friends until you can regain trust in me. And he said hed see me when our friends go out in groups, and no way else. And he asked me to stop messaging him, calling, and emailing him, even though i did try it sometimes and he got upset. It took me 4 weeks after we broke up to realise that it was possible that i think i was falling inlove with him too. And now i know i do!
What can i do now to get him back????
Ask him if you can call him once every two weeks just to see how he is doing. Promise not to talk about your relationship and limit the call to 15 mins.
Realistically you should prepare yourself for the possibility that you won't be seeing him again. If you accept this it will be good for you and make you look better in his eyes.
Make sure he knows he wasn't second choice.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com