Getting More Intimate

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi, i have being going out with my girlfriend for about 3 months, and we have done about eveything toghter. we have not gone to 3rd base yet, and i was wondering, when do you think the time is right for me to take that step just a little further. thank you for your time. Advice
There is never, ever, a "timetable" for becoming more intimate. If two people are both divorced and in their 40s it might be normal for them to go all the way on the second date. If two people are 12 years old it might take them FOUR YEARS to get to second base. It is all about your comfort level, her comfort level, your background, her background.

The ONLY reason two people should do anything together - whether it's kissing, touching or anything else - is that BOTH are completely, totally and fully honestly comfortable with that step. It should never be a "trick". It should never be pressured. It should never be uncomfortable. It should be what you both truly and honestly want. Because, and I'm very serious about this and not being a prude, because these steps you take are steps you remember for the rest of your life and if you rush one of the steps it can really, really harm you for years and years. You can always hate yourself for doing something when you didn't want to. And that's not something you want to do to yourself.

There are tons of years ahead of you, plenty of time to have sex every single day if you want to. There is no need to race into it. Part of the great pleasure of dating is to relish all of those little steps, to be thrilled at each new thing you do and to truly enjoy it. You may not believe it now, but sex can actually get pretty boring if you just sort of race into it and it's the "same old" stuff every day. The whole thrill of intimacy is when it is *new*. And right now you are in the middle of that newness. You should really relish it.

So take it in small steps. Make sure SHE and YOU are both completely comfortable with each step. Keep going forward a little. If she is uncomfortable, that's OK, smile and back off! The whole point of a relationship is that you are always honest, always trusting, always understanding. That is most important in intimacy. If you guys can't talk about intimacy issues, you really have to start NOW.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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