ex was best friend, now erased me from his life
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
my ex and i went to college together -he had a crush on me for three years before we got together. at first i wasn't really attracted to him physically, but we became close friends, and i found myself falling for him. he was so sweet, wanted to treat me like a queen. i was ecstatic - i found a man who adored me and i was 100% sure that this was the real thing.
we've dated since we graduated, it's been 2 years. he lives nearby and we saw each other on weekends. i barely had any friends, what with living in a new and scary city, so i clung to him. we hit some rough patches, he started to get frustrated with my mood swings, my insecurities. things started to get better, when all of a sudden, he told me he wasn't sure he "wanted to do this anymore". over the phone, he told me that he got more excited at the idea of hanging out with his male friends than spending time with me. he also said that he didn't see us living together or getting married, "so what's the point?". i was devastated and shocked, i could totally see us spending our lives together. we are both 23, too young to think about marriage right now, though. he apologized and hung up. he went to go see a funny movie with his guyfriends. he hasn't called since. in a brief email he wrote "don't worry about crossing boundaries, i want us to stay in touch." i don't understand how he could shut me out of his life like that. everything around me reminds me of him, and every bone in my body aches when i think of him. i miss him horribly - much more than i thought i would. i love him so much and i wish his actions weren't hurting me right now.
part of me is angry that he's forgotten me so quickly and that he doesn't care enough to call. i have a feeling he is moving on with other girls, since i know he doesn't have a problem with casual sex. my stomach is sick at the thought of this. i don't think i'll ever get over this! part of me wants us to start again, clean slate, and rekindle what was lost. all the post-grad, real-life, real-work stress hurt our relationship, and i want it back. am i foolish to think we can go back, even though he seems sure that i am not the one for him?
He has agreed to stay in touch.
Take advantage of this offer and ask him if you can call him once every two weeks for a 15 min conversation just to see how each other are doing.
Be cheerful and don't dwell on your relationship.
With any luck, you will rekindle.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com