Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Okay well i am a male aged 16 from london and i have had feelings for a girl for several months. She is slightly younger than me and has a boyfriend. I often talk about my feelings for her with her best friend because we are both in roughly the same situation. There are some conditions which have stemmed from my feelings which include stress-related stomach pains, nightmares (and as a result, insomnia), unwillingness to get up in the mornings (meaning that I often take days off school) and feelings of jealousy to anyone in a happy relationship. I have voiced some of these problems to her and told her that i like her but i do not think she has bothered to relate them in any way. Another of my problems is feelings of depression. This is because i have never been in a relationship and have been rejected several times, no matter how confident i was being. But back to the problem at hand. I do not know if this girl had feelings for me. She is shy and selfless which means that she will not often talk to anyone about her feelings and always puts others' first anyway. This can make it pretty hard for anyone to understand what she wants. I have spoken to her best friend about this and she has given me some help. She says that she does not seem content with her current boyfriend and may dump him soon. She also says that she does not like me in that way at all. I have also spoken to another of her friends who said that i stand a chance and the other friend gives rubbish relationship advice. I cannot help having these feelings for her and have tried many times to stop them but i cant. I just want to know if i ever stand a chance but i dont want to hurt her or confuse her. Please give me some advice on this. I really am at a loss as for what to do.
First off, you need to get some professional advice. Tell your parents how deeply this is affecting you and that you need professional help. If they won't go along with that, then approach your school councellor for help.
Ask her to be friends since romantic relationships work better if they are based on friendship. And, if you are interacting with her regularly you will feel somewhat better and you will feel like you are making progress.
It is good that one of her friends thinks you have a chance. And good that she is thinking of dumping him.
Be sure to smile at her a lot and say hi whenever you see her. This will make her feel better about you.
Good luck, George
p.s. I saw your second email and this one at the same time so don't worry about the communications. It takes a while for me to answer questions.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com